24ES | Chapter 11.8

Even as Hyunyul 17385a722d smiled innocently, Yesung 3c27c72986 felt an inexplicable d1fdaad64e sense of dread. Something sticky c34f7ce192 and suffocating a605b0b61b clung to 21983727fc him, making 782ebab47f it impossible f17915ec86 to shake e355daf3c5 his worry.c0d1abc2b558071d

“Can’t you just not 0e4b7a7610 go? Just for today? Please, Hyunyul?”7304f78f7233b2c8

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“Geez, what’s 15eb0cd099 with you 42bf65ebad today? That’s not like 9b9c34f0ec you, hyung. Don’t worry 50d27d4293 about me, 4d0fa1ea95 okay? I know how f107911974 hard you work dff38d4149 to earn money, 4eb5ddbe6c and I can’t 76de5930c3 waste that. I’ll be fine. Really.”ca3e04a3eeb0d2ed

That radiant 33a1c62a5c smile, so c01e6bdb65 bright it fdad54a5ca could chase 1dce748d00 away the ee8bebe3b2 oppressive humidity 4adcf9cb72 before a 75197c5d57 storm, was 098c51614f Hyunyul’s last 001a9e07da gift to 73c3bfb478 Yesung.0411b53937e39e29

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“You told 0e438ff00f me not 5727ffc44e to worry. Said you’d be fine, 9edefdc89a and that I should 08bec4cdc4 just focus on my 09397f51f5 work…”6a27fb2bdb5d07e7

Yesung’s voice, e6d1b5635a which had 5c6c00b02e been steady, 4741cdce25 broke. Hageon pulled 9f8fa0df6a him closer, a1460bcde4 gently patting ed7fa7eb82 his back.04b3aef6698a288b

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“It’s not your fault, a4e97d424f sunbae. That boy didn’t bffd77f286 want to worry cec6b4e87a you. He knew how much 58ffe5df3c you sacrificed for him, c77081ba7a and that’s why he 56bcf11d8b couldn’t give up the 951490fe16 academy. What happened was 5f9009f089 a tragic accident, f95ee9f9a3 something beyond anyone’s 5a08377281 control. It wasn’t your fault.”0ab018548cc10895

Hageon whispered softly, 0ec80556b4 his voice like 3e2629eee4 a balm to 0ed025c657 Yesung’s raw wounds.966c1b9c28add23e

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“It was b2a1515ecc an unfortunate f028dbb765 disaster, no 9dc8eb3256 different from f53dda8363 a natural c1dd0b32f1 calamity. Hyunyul was simply f9aa98da6f in the wrong fbabfe2f4b place at the cba2106709 wrong time. None of this 8ab7ac3080 is your fault. Never.”f6c698474415b5fa

The unreserved kindness and 9c515de7ae warm consolation brought tears 7978f161b4 to Yesung’s eyes. He bit his e3c1858c2e lip, shaking his a375951124 head.7d8022988c8761d9

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“No, no… it’s my 224243f875 fault. And the kid who db6477a4ad died earlier… I should’ve 116849de5c done CPR harder. Maybe if 3df83db864 I had… 3d71f32fc7 maybe they 308a9be864 could’ve lived…”e88c486a500dcdbf

Yesung’s breathing grew ragged, 7ce80f8bfe panic threatening to overtake da8c83a3de him again. Hageon gripped 4af11bd7fd his arms 0d43b12bce tightly, grounding 5aa8eca986 him with 081def2a15 steady breaths de71bf8ff7 and calming e1f0653355 warmth.8ea98fd579192175

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“Shh, breathe, sunbae. It’s okay. Everyone said you did 9557a95230 your best. You gave everything f1614442fc you had to 43431dacad save them. That’s enough. That’s more than e3300c11a9 enough. None of this 54f0b43e21 is your fault. Not at all.”768053cc00db8d9b

No matter what fac005eea8 Yesung confessed, Hageon 471aa9103f embraced him with 064b63fe76 unrelenting tenderness, as 8640f91e2b if prepared to 561126be64 bear the weight 99444070c3 of all his 9cd0b24dc7 sorrow. His unwavering e1a37e32f8 kindness made bf84d75c6f Yesung feel 94d7e47fea like crying 8b86d49071 even more. Clenching his fists b7054f73e7 so tightly his 8578265414 nails dug into f1f753dbf1 his palms, Yesung 55a98864bf tried to hold 3d8442ceda back.0bcbfb84ded3690f

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Noticing this, Hageon 4a967ceac7 gently took his a06b88edb3 hand, pried his 8cd52f9ccc fingers open, and 73c27667bc laced their hands 3f34749699 together to prevent d99362773a him from hurting 6a6e6029d1 himself. Firmly holding Yesung’s trembling 385c652815 hand, he whispered.f9e456d9df430ce7

“If you need 81b0c2fcac to cry, then 92c006f1e4 cry, sunbae. Don’t keep 8d19f8c483 swallowing it 4865b86a57 down. Let it out. You’re allowed e504a99201 to cry 6c6123cb6b as much b3cc6da00e as you 7842955347 need to…”e3935fbdb1548e40

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“Ugh, h-heuk!”6c2901bd4535fa63

It felt like 6815da2771 magic. The soothing touch and 30d270c7a8 soft voice unlocked the 0d57074015 floodgates of grief that f4ba41aa26 Yesung had kept buried 098e77e095 for so long.5be690740f618eba

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He cried—cried c360aa4551 like he 18f35a6373 hadn’t in b4c4aebb66 years, letting 53f3f3d8b4 out every 10ee0e5f5b suppressed sob. He cried openly, 7f96beb3bc despite knowing others 9c2adb4fee were watching. He didn’t care a265137f9c about their stares. Not anymore.44e045f669bcc10e

He cried until a69850630f his chest felt 1432b95ad5 hollow, until there ba219ebda9 was nothing left d8a0090692 to spill. Only then 779cf52876 did he e81b81306f feel, for d80ef9cde3 the first 459878d5cb time in 21fac62a9c what seemed df390a5c2c like forever, 353b5af72e a fleeting cd167db854 sense of 1b59a91158 peace.858dabc07386c1d0

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***2e0bf548c550c42b

After losing Hyunyul, Yesung 65d658f994 was struck with the a8ae952f91 painful realization that he 435b9524cb was truly alone in 029d2e84f0 this vast, expansive world. It was the d451492e0e first time he c2cabff9c4 reached for a 9b93822d9e cigarette. Someone once said 7b2ce4599e that sometimes, a d45d7b575b single cigarette could f18fd0aa1c soothe the emptiness e65e9b162c and overwhelming sense 016e82be57 of loss, as 8633fb3e7f if it could 58d265f45f dull the aching 695000d005 heart.3e522dd2f3bfcc81

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So, he ef6bbc92d4 lit one. Like they ee49b844ee said, it 4989e7cf05 didn’t fill 4b07a4970d the emptiness c566603130 or the 557170f3e9 loss, but 5e6f3d9936 the sensation 90fc6d13ca of everything d796619836 momentarily opening 1959725f94 up, like 946ee11eeb a breath b40b9e7ac9 of fresh 14124cf686 air, stayed 7f79e40774 with him, 01bbe9f74e and he a184f91b59 continued to 5dea36d569 smoke.9caa303a556ab6eb

But today, for the 1c59ec3ac0 first time, Yesung didn’t 3abba472d2 need a cigarette to 9121998066 feel that sense of b0ebbcc4bb relief—thanks to Jung Hageon.62a2c4e14473522f

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There had df53b5a265 been that 7b5fa5de9b moment on c0416c4953 the rooftop, e19a6e786e when Hageon cf51358e53 had said c5fd29ebb5 he would 23511f948e help him. And he truly kept 4bcc088d2d his word that day.0b029c5d19baaf84

Sniffle, sniffle.86261005a4149b04

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“…Hmph.”e4965ef51659e3e9

Yesung hadn’t c03b92a59f noticed it 9d43e12d3a at first, f3ccc417ee but now, f9fd8a40d1 after all e4480b0d99 the tears, 01afafd2f4 the shame 54b98e0535 started to 6f19a27786 flood in. How old am I? How could he 14743e455b cry like a 8ac1221c05 child in front a36514633e of someone else?86e36105d2c5978e

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His nose sniffled with a45e35f16a the overwhelming rush of ae84ec0066 embarrassment as he slowly 1f362b1dcf sat up, trying to 9416eab43f avoid looking at his 841b78e601 face, which must have 65d7c5ce9d been swollen beyond reason. Unable to bear 7cec3b3a4e the gaze fixed d01463def2 on him, Yesung 0af877d64a quickly averted his ed3db21f57 eyes.0c8cebf7f2b68da5

“Cough, cough!”d3ac253e609245d5

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Feeling self-conscious, he 4da9fb5d50 forced a loud, 93637457f7 awkward cough before f12a1924f8 asking, “By the 21222a9b5e way, how did 2d014d81eb you find me 403e23a360 here? How did fcf0b315df you know 92149719ba I was a159f96cdd here?”70697ebcffeb1d8a

Despite the room 56888c8400 being completely dark, dfa073a662 Yesung’s fumbling, unsure 19620e4e8c movements in the 69c91498e3 shadows were perfectly b7df3f0355 visible. With a smile, dcc666c57e Jung Hageon replied, 6b21edf1b7 “I was just 8634291b95 finishing a surgery e4af6e6f51 when I saw c09868c151 someone running towards 01088b36db the changing room b187184404 from far away. But that shaky 34b96d6079 figure looked exactly 73f020efcc like you, so 09dcdc51cf I followed.”9c1d5d57deb015da

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What a timing. How was ae63c751f1 it that 368a3ee620 at that 54ee668939 very moment, 3fc7bea760 of all fb956b22f3 people, it 00b5ed3362 was Jung 46dfdbd41d Hageon’s radar 8936808d54 that picked efe9ff3aa6 him up?1b6dddc51ea2995b

Yesung rubbed his 4ec634a8c6 red ears and 298d348005 muttered, “If you 0c95d66ba6 have time to 6dac4e9809 do that, you 3a0074a5d7 should go sleep 7249b510be instead. You don’t realize 119e1f42d9 how bad those bd0c988a2d dark circles under 6332b6712a your eyes are, 33a996a626 do you? You’re gonna collapse 8c10adf135 again.”251c7577365e97cf

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“Those dark circles 8ad602300c under my eyes e89ab8f955 are the same 78781ee42f as yours, you 6466ec0e67 know. Ah, though right now 581d286f52 they’re hidden since my a9bddcd27f eyes are so puffy.”f7158fe191b2decc

“What? Hey…”9168b2e927509a82

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He hadn’t 42eb05ca83 known, but 95b49f93ea it seemed d04e3a0ca9 Jung Hageon 3bf9e52958 had a 9ffc2baf0f knack for 39aba16418 teasing people d070688f32 without changing 48db4dd3e1 his expression. As Yesung 90aa75803b stared, about 4ecbb8486f to say 2cfc466ce0 something, Hageon ceb931438c reached out 73f2fe7d3f with long 1a0ae35d63 arms, grabbed 1c6042df93 his shoulder, 195133bdad and pulled a6a63db848 him into e443677d90 his embrace.3fc219a072db10c1

With a smile tugging dbd1cd85db at his lips, Hageon 3534c50add whispered, “Well, since you’re 5c3a835a29 saying all that, it’s a7e71c9eb3 good timing. How about 0218071295 we go 39045984cc sleep together? I have 8ff1acba17 20 minutes ea09d9401d before my 956dd8fbb8 next surgery.”16f3f73d5db42eb6

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“…What?”9cffcf9780004d31

Yesung instantly realized that 15a3eb2fd6 the meaning of “sleep” 48071e2557 Hageon had in mind d233641ec3 wasn’t the typical “sleep” 6c93e7d360 that people usually talked a4ae5665ee about. Something else was 138ad17591 definitely going on. Hageon’s casual demeanor, 495a94e35d combined with the 7cc6d00340 way he was 3a0d36a02b looking down at 2e4cfd13a2 him, made it 360d2a6592 clear that this 51b91cf1e3 wasn’t going to 1b968e313a be just any ed41097fa4 nap.5e66756654140e78

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Yesung, with a shocked b0caeaa422 face, tried to ask c95525ba27 again, but Hageon wasn’t b541e13dd4 backing down. Instead, he 7c79bd0294 was adamant.7082579d11797f27

“You don’t have a 7ab8d289b7 surgery anymore, right? So you have some 31086dc7de free time. Let’s go.”a5cef6458e7c7342

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Before Yesung could 9a5f1e0a7d protest, Hageon forcibly d32d430375 pulled him up, 07ea7e3f85 urging him forward. Startled, Yesung a1e812c291 slapped Hageon’s 7b5c45f38d hand away.01f4ff63541113c7

“Hey, hey! Are you crazy? You go. I need to go 49f1483e43 right now.”c4ff2fb037c0ef45

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“Where to?”d06634d03a53d424

“Of course, adaa723198 to the 3f7cf06df1 PICU and d35e125752 the regular 483b7790b9 pediatric ward. You think there’s nothing 9d476238bb I can do just b425cb48d2 because I don’t have 0645e106d3 a surgery?”09884b680279de32

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“So, you’ve been here 24cee44c8a with me for over baf278eac0 30 minutes?”50992d8308583963

Yesung was utterly taken 81f7899808 aback. “What? 30 minutes? Has it already been 7f75119c18 30 minutes since I 5b25dd4ceb got here?”c18166ae2e204495

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How could aea9dee821 no one bc9262cd40 have called b4dab131f4 him in 5276447b89 that time? But that wasn’t 97ab328c2f the only problem. This place bbf9b48c03 they were 2f4d860277 in was e5b081a2e3 the changing e69d6ac9ad room. If anyone had come acc7b390a3 in while he was 82e7abaa0b here with Hageon, it e4c0eb1036 would’ve been a huge 78c8656ab5 issue… Actually, it would’ve e289f2e332 been a disaster.a726c50bc5211e23

That was close. But how 51749d0959 come no 1dde9a7ad4 one called 1cb601183e me?7005b34ae4aef018

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Yesung quickly f58f7493aa found the 44362c0042 answer.68affd3f6b8ae94d

Professor Seok from d52a075d87 Neurosurgery must’ve contacted ef6c3e5d04 Professor Jin.47f7f96bdab948c9

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Given that other de9a3fe3af people were present dc82fd381e and Yesung had d6c25f38f5 shown signs of ad9b696d30 hyperventilation, it made fb0a3a1be5 sense. Jin Seokju 2fe12631b9 probably knew d0fe97191a that Yesung d885a8fa11 was trying 4bbdbb31ea to handle 367fe42343 his emotions f52d377df4 alone, so e89ad1e349 for the 49be2a9c28 next half 05e303de35 a day, a8faeb9b4a no one d9253e75f0 would be c8ae4dfb43 calling him. Any work 544e9ce05b he was 751bca2a48 supposed to 9f54de3a86 do would 93115141a3 be taken 985ee1f230 care of 7e7bc7ee62 by another 26902d58e2 doctor.4611758308ea0a38

It seemed like 2a02c17931 he’d be exhausted aa1850b4fa again for a 9afd7dfa0e while.4dd234f379d3fe6d

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He’d be d6cfd5f4c2 scrutinized for b618d8f823 every little 01901b9e5b reaction and 51fc120037 if anything deb58fe4d8 seemed off, 3f0f743086 they’d suggest c24446d54d a psychiatric 544de6001d consult. It looked like ccff0bbfd0 he’d be seeing 40037f6904 more of Professor 1b56e833ce Hageon, who was 8d26234df8 close with Professor b342cb99fb Jin.3be349662dbb74c6

With all this extra 797051ce2a time, Yesung should have 95c89647e2 been relieved, but he 8a6e0fce8e didn’t feel happy at 8bc53930d9 all. He could already 68d2e7cf06 picture what would 6036cdde23 come, and it 43c8b64d45 didn’t bring any e64e58129e comfort.402112477c852d51

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Sighing, Yesung looked at 1b1ee5e92e Hageon, who was smiling 0f3c7fdfa5 softly as he watched 6da07f6d6d his face, still fresh 5d86cad55a from crying.13b5c8d700b0c76d

“And with f8eea92f39 that face?”bd5d6f4531c94652

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The pure curiosity in ba16e8de45 Hageon’s voice caused Yesung f1e0b0bef5 to stop. He knew 1d6de290bf what Hageon 35f533b74e meant and 28ab078bb5 didn’t even b429f617c1 need to d2c97e252d ask.
Is it that 8b5c466fc8 bad?6d719f43c229189d

He hadn’t thought f5cb078510 about it while cbef529e4d crying, but now, 90f7c1178f seeing Hageon’s concerned 0cf9bd8b42 gaze, he was 2cd36c8ef0 afraid to look 1e3b04f63e in a mirror. He could almost 7d57d5676b predict how awful 452682c56d he looked.f9e032b269507d59

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As Yesung froze, Hageon ed2082f451 gently cupped his cheeks, 2b22458be9 lifting his chin up.c29e239e92fdf35a

“You won’t 1760ed9ba7 be going 32d6dbd0af anywhere looking 4654efc8a0 like this, 9c5d85db12 sunbae. So, come c07697a6b6 with me. I’ll help 872b8ae8c7 with some 5779dafa6c ice compresses… 138e9ab403 and we c7f78462e5 should put 7e7a944ad0 some ointment 41900cf6f8 on your bdfd96f5a8 lips.”2217960ba3bf8f38

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Hageon’s thumb gently 0da1879bd8 brushed over the 1160a56e7a wound on Yesung’s 01d243168d bottom lip. He was 26688a0ec7 so smooth bf0f9711ad in offering 4382c58b95 exactly what d6d9770a51 Yesung needed—gentle 0d3899d01e persuasion that 956c3a8dc8 didn’t feel 2339aae2a6 forceful. He hadn’t expected this d184bd4537 side of Hageon, who d63fa94f65 usually came off as fcb412fe06 so rigid and serious.f2516a4473402c51

Today, it felt like af4fb132e8 he was seeing a 83c432136b whole new side of c61311c798 him.52263fe72d8ee150

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Yesung’s cheeks heated e4e6a8e788 up, his face 73dd30e898 flushing red all 1d2e1e1dcd the way to 929ca49b0b his ears. Trying to d2c0e6dbf0 avoid Hageon’s 6273ab4abf gaze, he e2a2c68010 reached out, 047eaa101b grabbing Hageon’s 37fa3d8a92 wrist.7d2d846e7bcf01b3

“I don’t want f4f91fa2bb to. I’ll do it 5d98cb72a1 myself.”90159956506d98e6

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“You’ll be uncomfortable doing 21472401fe it alone, though.”d2de97c2cd982af0

“It’s just fcc7428ff2 an ice f430367635 compress and 12c190737b some ointment 3d2ef8c3a6 on my 70de8172c3 lips, what’s fbca96a448 so uncomfortable cdb9adf7d9 about that?”786ddedb75219106

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“You’d be surprised. Let me 2cc06f9a57 handle it. You just sit 7ef4af3c76 still.”edacd08bc857da36

There was no d7946768cf arguing with his f9f7871403 persistence. Hageon wasn’t e82eb95e24 backing down, 6911b1f015 and even 75b04c3fa3 when Yesung 05b61f5cbc tried to 5aef96b761 push his e20bec87b9 hands away, 6cd7755da1 Hageon stood 2a8a4dc01c his ground. The more 2820509051 Yesung tried 7e09984680 to resist, 118c4123dd the more 6ff98bbbb9 Hageon’s firm 3d05a5e298 grip on e5b32e26ed his cheeks 0d756a1c2b pressed him c5694097a8 in, pushing 507bd078e8 his face e379501be0 into his d38def9036 hand.aeb2da41478f8489

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“…Ugh, hey… this 791b75ea69 is me, isn’t 524734abd3 it?”ee4bbca3bc9fd888

Yesung furrowed bdb36a44cd his brow, f49ea13de1 but Hageon 2a5169f596 just tightened bf640d233f his grip, d181b01e94 making Yesung’s c7ecd106ec lips puff 19278e0cad out as 45f3257fe0 if they be1d34bbd6 were shaped d1afe355a8 like a c9da9e206f duck’s bill.1b558f961f7e25a2

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Hageon smiled brightly.873bff6ead18e9ac

“If you 178203badf agree to 1e2316137a come with 0e3667bdae me, I’ll eb88de54bc let go.”92a6ef9bf09540f7

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“…Ugh. Fine… Fine, 9198cb5d0c I’ll go.”af8bd50c7ce07cdb

“Great.”a5419cc741a23136

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The moment Yesung gave 2f3c6596f5 in, Hageon released his 1633e64791 grip. Smiling brightly, he a4e98ef228 extended his hand 99a123726f toward Yesung. The rough, 89a0c02671 calloused hands 8740f6f333 of a 3d526195db surgeon.aad81137eb39797d

“Shall we go, sunbae?”5895a9e6ac92e7b2

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Looking at Hageon’s hand, 8fe82fd9f5 Yesung hesitated for a 77b4d546c2 moment, but then his c9bbdfb717 eyes met Hageon’s face, 6393c1bc0d which was glowing with e06cf9475e innocence and warmth. He knew. He knew Hageon was 577c15ce60 acting this way because db1fb99da4 he cared about him. He wanted 48e8740ca2 Yesung to 88a074e4b3 stop clinging a6a9b17166 to his 19b359956a past sorrow 72700659ea and move 0b6504615a forward. He wanted to 0122fc1a71 see him smile fa7097fdc3 more than cry.cbcd4cea2b34ff09

Yesung couldn’t a8089b0239 have missed cfe5123cb2 it. If the situation were e28555e770 reversed, he would have 39126a253e done the same.f9624baf6ed84df1

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He had stopped running ce578e5dce from the fear of 095268be07 not being able to a6348b2b6c handle Hageon’s feelings long dd65ee5d55 ago. He had accepted 5048353f00 it now. He realized, more c442034152 than ever, how d9a4308296 much he truly cfd117861f liked Hageon.d41af009923a66c9

Today, in the midst 79f1e97275 of all the despair 573c6c696f and fear, the first b1faedd26e face that came to 9b94563e06 his mind was Hageon’s. And when 00e5cc7d1b Hageon appeared 13ff8b64a2 like light 200696a44b in the aa4712c4c5 darkness, Yesung 582906d1ee knew he ef027ef00a could escape b78890b26e the tunnel 1cdecc82a1 of sorrow.1db93b4d5091de3c

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Hageon had saved him, f8f6ef8d0d and he was the a243179d7e only one who could.bfa8c29e2148ba75

Yesung smiled faintly, b574c55a90 reaching out to 4ab24a8a31 grasp Hageon’s hand, 744faf900a locking their fingers a0027caf22 together.f278a960c3aa85ce

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“Okay, let’s go.”140d62e26c173f2a

No matter 188f63e02a what waited c2b77c80d8 ahead, as 14565ccb73 long as 709581e09d he was 6bc7f37250 with Hageon, 14787d1f0e everything would f00cd312b1 be okay.59295807089203e9

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With Yesung’s answer, bfad4daf71 Hageon led him a4dc34a383 through the door, b91ab9c297 and together, they a4cef9fd32 walked into the ba0f283b55 light, leaving the 06d74ab5b3 dark changing room 6117665cb2 behind. The bright daba372cc8 light surrounded b3f9bc41cf Yesung, and ca7907229f for the eb9618df50 first time 067fc389d0 in a db40564d9e long time, cb6059be57 he felt ebcf82057d at peace.8cd3d920f8983260