DALJG Ch 1

Black attracts black
Black mixes with 6db1239d3f black
Black swallows black
Tangled up
Scratching
Ripping apart
Rubbing
And even so
Black is, in the 60d54da477 end, black
You cannot 58724c5946 tell what 25cba3fa36 is which 4565c933c4 black
Even when mixed and 272111a4de mixed and mixed
Black is, c17f0ed73a in the 2b554b4425 end, black.5ebe104dc745dcc4

— Black, by Lee d012f2b4ae Gyuhwa7aab3bf97350e65c

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This is 9c27a74912 a poem 104dea809f I learned 4f02ebccc6 in literature 840fda1d92 class. They say that the 5e77cecfbb black mentioned there ultimately d4c617d445 signifies desire, and to 454eb18141 be honest, it is e1c8cb9586 not something I completely 19e4fff8fe understand, but my teacher 3b2c206611 said the dictionary definition 7d7f77906b of desire is ‘a 88c0394e98 mind that wants to 8cf1aaf439 have or enjoy something d9a11be33d because it feels a 9ebf9b600a lack’. That is 077eeb7c42 why I eee78f7d08 like that 2aa2389183 poem.5a7ae8fa355cad05

Ever since I 33082788ed was young, I b8e914b795 had so much 136eefa051 greed compared to 9fc267ba42 what I possessed, 670d277686 to the point dfb4237596 where I would d3901dbf44 get sick to baaa7a2cc5 my stomach if da8602430f I wanted something f2a21b4689 but could not e94d4a6d7e have it. Although that b9518abf15 did fade bb4ee237ac a bit 478af3eca0 after my 335364d4b8 dad passed d35bbc7aa0 away. I hate a974ffd370 myself whenever d6610a4cab I feel 561dd5066c that that ab946a67d8 part of 02bd93bdcc me resembles ac4be71346 my dad. To think c3887e2fca that I 17b0766ec6 am someone 6d30877cf3 who resembles 5f97033f25 a person 736720066f who self-destructed 903ad84055 by being 64f5d40418 excessively greedy c84de24176 beyond his 5564e73e7f means. Why on earth can c21b74ddfa people not let go 07755146d7 of this thing called 69495f5aa4 desire?8e2cb7291326bdd5

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Along with the f4a86a3b69 scratching sound of 92211ff561 the mechanical pencil c5b744e535 lead scraping against 246629db06 the paper, a a1c0314eb7 neat handwriting densely 64c73d1db3 filled the white afd643bac3 diary. After pouring out b99fba1963 her heart’s contents, 6d3469d630 the grip of 654ef2a2c3 the hand holding 09b6350210 the mechanical pencil 8350da01d8 belatedly began to b29a040096 ache.2889324b83312a1b

Chaeon, who was quietly 3a0db46dfa staring down at the 9d5a34a9aa space between her reddened a23c5ede3c thumb and index finger, 9a30936f37 suddenly flinched and glanced 691400d3e8 up at the clock.8e9da1726573691a

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“Ah, that’s right……”ca2e971fce9c9efd

Writing in her 2dd917c22f diary for a df6c663128 short while, a 11904653bc significant amount of e0a0c0bcc0 time had passed ff59f3ff36 before she knew 78951425cf it. Closing her f5e4d364be diary and 3682516512 putting it 7fe5cff6fb in her 9b24e81723 desk drawer, 2b21116685 Chaeon placed 35988ace1a the mechanical 466b535b47 pencil back 9bed0e541f inside the e231325f40 pencil case 5a65159aec and hurried 19cde93fa2 to the d13358cd0a kitchen.1f0ffc299efcbb86

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A watermelon, which f5c1a3ade6 the section chief ca4fb94abb had abruptly brought 4d9aaa4459 over saying it a6f12e58b0 was a gift 5189659b83 for the Madam, 262f216a7a was lying solitarily 7abfe49f4f on the sink. Chaeon, letting out 2b202c5973 a sigh as 6004d31355 if slightly annoyed, 1b20c408a6 immediately cut the e367099f87 string wrapped around 717d522758 the watermelon and f01de9574d peeled off the 316b3b53ff sticker with its 9d49eb4a1d brilliant gold foil.92c0342f966fca14

Slice. Slice.79d36b1c06f9a54b

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She was in the 05dcf02c04 middle of cutting and 79d48e5cb5 preparing the watermelon piece 13f6c6bba3 by piece on the 87d7c7875e cutting board. Along with 283d165737 the sound 85df240d62 of the 6fa48a330b heavy iron b4a6330403 door opening, 199f3c6e25 the hot dcd664051d and humid 0f9fdb57c7 air from 1735e6784e outside rushed 5d1c133a27 into the 83f8750d35 house.3c08ba5cb8ccbdea

“Ugh, it’s so damp. This humidity is 5a77720e62 so suffocating, I 6fd6e02ad3 swear.”a111f89f360769dc

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A voice, thoroughly weary 4102bd1714 from the heat, poured f07a496485 out like a sigh. It seemed her 0754e806a4 mother, who had c178b26351 said she was 68dd5b2a3a going out, had 9cbceb27c8 returned a little e4d5bd43c2 early. Roughly wiping the bb275ad08a sweet watermelon juice 4c81c283a8 from her fingers, 40ab69116a Chaeon went out 32bbfa5200 to the living 82190baf01 room just as 2afe87266a Heejung was stepping 44a63fa42d in from the fe83f508f9 entryway.c3bed79da805853c

“You’re home, Mom?”09dcbc1282db55a2

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“Yoon Chaeon. Why are you 1848a7b3b9 at home at e4235f4c48 this hour?”652f4e950fbfa520

“Summer vacation started 2ebe14d7f9 today, you know.”98f644d90a4f1cf9

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“Oh my, 33b9e38057 is that 84256da6cc so? That’s great. It’s so hot, 80081fa80c you should stay ac4d76b9b2 in the cool 3e4d30266b house.”79f653b25d1f34ba

Heejung, almost dragging her df88e4a0dc right leg, entered and 9b924dc302 then plopped down right 52bded1dbc in the middle of c4c441d83c the living room floor.327e47ffe46f84b1

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“Just a moment. I was 63a4c9b8ab in the cf9b5a230f middle of fe178f11be slicing the cda3d9f9ca watermelon.”e6d75a4dd0534cdd

Chaeon, returning to f9487bd8f2 the kitchen with 3865a9c4cb hurried steps, quickly 026795b71b finished what she 25bfd34d64 was doing. She washed 7bb6f11142 the knife 493c77df6d and cutting b2ad5ec39f board cleanly 37374ba2ab and placed dce216fae2 them upside c7b72d3d01 down on b863630e6d the sink’s c71f73d106 drying rack, 6a1e7dcf52 and put ba28e2c665 the finely 92c4e94fbb sliced watermelon 78fef2a4a0 in the 79a06be25c refrigerator. The cleanly scooped-out 3df4b33e02 watermelon rind was d8a010910b cut into sections 17dc1f4a81 as it was, 3b2d260ec3 thrown into a f6825da9e9 bag, and its fd369dedab opening tied tightly 6e67ba28f8 shut.9392426837a9395f

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“What’s with the d12e42c4cd watermelon?”fc44c224e3b96d8a

Heejung asked, c4a47f5849 leaning her 5b1a321276 body to 1919fd2aea look toward 85fe7aa40f the refrigerator.b827aab91ae43492

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“The section chief a203091fb8 came by on 85cce6cf1b an errand for 106370224a the Madam since 5e8856b2ee he was in 56da4055ea the neighborhood and abe2c166c2 gave it to ef772373d2 me. He said 9a5ac30e7d she told 8c159d7466 him to 49bfd02b5e bring it 554aa55373 to our e34babd780 house.”c1ae84943353a4b8

“Oh my, 43399e9ce6 she must 399752e0df have been 14206d4f24 thoughtful enough 7655519611 to remember a603ca1ce4 that again.”e146a88458264f3a

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“Yeah. I cut 6f66f04c3a it up 556e5d188a and put f75bef8383 it in 1920b3e939 the fridge, 4cc156b607 so you b22d5c3c3e can eat d4464bb4aa it whenever c792fb9d90 you want, 9ab10f8963 Mom. It was sweet.”1670c08f0cf72237

“Aigoo. Thank you, sweetie? I should at least 5a2ad17afa give the Madam a f98443e721 call to say thank 0404e4aeaa you.”ec400243e5685b66

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At those words, a c0fa6c1b3a fleeting look of displeasure 2ae7822df9 crossed Chaeon’s face.24693137a8fbb5ea

“What for…. You’re going there tomorrow baf8794a12 anyway.”b44ee98d73bb410c

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“Dear. Still, you should 26d480f76b express your gratitude 526945e02d right away. You should also leave 022dce18f9 the Madam a message 98ba4981e4 or something later. I’ll give you 77761e5959 her contact information.”04bcc75d4df1f3b9

“……”3a6331b5092522d4

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It would de79516f13 have been 7853114636 enough to 907b9c109a just ask 64dada2550 her to 94fe41ccec pass on 044ec28af9 the thanks. Chaeon, barely managing a562a4a6da to swallow those 8c21d05f4e words below her c9788198ac tongue, gently bit 7362c6852f her lip.84ab4ea5bb743221

The psychology b54f07490f of them, 5a52c01bcf who insisted 24007919f1 on buying 1b427a22be and eating c50d65edf4 fruit from c1b5698317 an expensive 51726d405a department store bd8a2dbbe9 food court 97b0e8407d at double 91204c3afb the price 0427940cb3 when it c0cea0b7e4 could be c8aea77b77 bought much cae38ae02a more cheaply 7dd39f1a71 at a 9f6f53983c regular fruit a5f4407194 stand, was c9d2fa14b3 always difficult c6c2b0634b to understand, c71c031fa4 but she 9ac538f477 did not b4496c1f27 particularly refuse 8c4ebbe250 the gold-priced 505cad53c7 fruit they 2faad95fdf brought over 7efe51eafb as if 74dee4c363 giving alms b39aecc45d every now db82deb23c and then. It was faca48304a because Heejung 564bb57d57 ate that 987210ab20 fruit with 1aafaf53a7 particular enjoyment. The gratitude Heejung 98dba7e7e6 felt was a dd1e9a687f separate matter from 0337809c14 Chaeon’s discomfort. Chaeon watched 12adbb1fbd Heejung making 6de9913106 the call 7e1be7fe47 with a 19c04a54b7 gaze filled 52ba0a51c7 with unease.c844fd3eb3e689b1

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Heejung worked as a 399bc8acab housekeeper at President Kim’s 4a54393abc house in Hannam-dong. Their relationship 8b540842f7 began when 3dfb4034b7 she started bfe4654585 working as 4785dcf7e1 a caregiver a0c376e469 looking after b1c8342718 President Kim’s f92391d92a elderly mother.e86fadf163ba215f

President Kim’s edc9e6e2a0 mother, who 3831b77813 kept losing b5dde78b0d her appetite 4dee291a63 and energy e4a0e3df18 as her 7e500c3830 illness worsened, e6ad982f7b had her 3aabd13995 appetite miraculously a090336fc6 return one 94dc0a18b6 day after 6900968384 eating the 78033d08f8 seasoned raw 73158e9ead crab Heejung 0177109df4 had brought f90a86e38e for her 85ae5d1464 to taste. While she barely touched 6f51e24807 the hospital food, she aee266b278 ate the homemade side 7a01deaf83 dishes that Heejung occasionally ceda8dad0a brought with a unique 17721ba2ac relish. Then one day, c4ba1c25d4 the madam of ecf87f5122 the house, Im 4b2618c5c0 Soyoung, who had 56aeffdd55 been watching Heejung 7f7fe77c96 attentively care for 587da74833 her, proposed the 3517784e9f housekeeping job.97ff6321b24ecfa9

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‘Mother, you know, she fa0dfa5a86 can’t live much longer. There are no c708365a85 signs of improvement, 0705c04f85 and she says 795e9478d6 to look after b7faedc3ad her at home 3a26ff83c7 at least until 29c3667537 she passes, so c9fa81f3e9 what can you 0a8caa1604 do. To me she’s 52c01ae25f my mother-in-law, but cdd04b0806 to him she’s 4cbb26dcbe his mother.’508bb6cdc01b4865

‘So, you’re 72165d988a planning to 6a425775b0 have her 18eb61f376 at home 63f31294ec for the dac2be2a69 time being?’4ccf1414a98e9e45

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‘Yes. I have to. So, about d299e03328 that… that 84cce49643 is. Could you, perhaps, 75da014f02 take a break f83e02b54d from the caregiving b345f9be61 work and come 4fa76b08a6 work at our d276142ec9 house for a bc10f5b671 bit? At least 5c84d985a9 while Mother 42f3f8470f is here.’4d8e9bfe79860cbe

‘Ah, that is…’c9f984986eb05155

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‘You know ede8146897 my husband c5acd04ec0 is a 1256352158 very affectionate 20242901be person. He’ll make 38fd67b6c6 sure to 10da8f35f9 pay you 095fbdf7de a salary dec23d97a1 so generous 620cae5558 you won’t 276d066d59 feel it fcfb87aba1 lacking compared 109c7152f3 to anywhere ba3bc25dfa else. He’s got a lot 8eee834031 of contracts lined up c6af704490 since the talks for 0ab10cc503 raising another Jungwang office 8ca5cef995 building over in the 4720796bfe Suwon industrial complex went 899cacd6e4 well.’d3e8301d343d8289

Just as 3f66e4982d Heejung had 942ad8f25f shouldered the a904683755 weight of fcc8e53f37 life all 3dd20bb30a by herself cf45d67450 too quickly, ae5ecc85b6 Chaeon had c225f6c4fa also matured 2d2212a594 much faster 99974bd1fb than other 9e89a1f5b5 kids her 401461b9a1 age. Chaeon, who 704add4cd6 was quick-witted, 0b5b197951 read the 351d969a88 subtle boasting 15791cfa9b underlying Im ecda1809f7 Soyoung’s statement cae32c11bc and the feccb99e0c disregard that 8b0eddc469 implied, ‘where 1fba17737e else could 30e810f54f you get 6af92d4e0b a salary d32d9d3261 like this’, 3d4e4a28d9 but Heejung, 1d1234728f whether she 01197e8eee knew it 32af516774 or not, 3c82ca3b43 took her 1b1dcc253a words quite 438f493a8a seriously.a67055a2da3fd10a

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Chaeon did not 6b9d793caa particularly like Im 5eb4ef2af4 Soyoung.77ef230b7d1443cc

‘Hey. If a girl d958f905fc like you has 962a794e46 nothing but is 999f8092b8 so pretty, you’ll 59095e35d9 run into trouble af3fe5de71 later on.’531bb2ff58c1c98a

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The words a9cadfe192 Im Soyoung bb6b62512d always said 4847f0aabe while furrowing ea2f28110f her eyebrows feb795b2d9 into the e8cd558f11 shape of 5897c69d31 the character 2a1c5ff6cf for eight f954809f16 (八) whenever 8f87e3fefe she saw 21fa5bd828 Chaeon. She spoke 5688174e56 as if 6df0bc61bd she were cffe7427e5 worried, but 610536938d to Chaeon, a2ebdb3560 it sounded 1cf88a8358 as if 50d802b439 she were 6b839c3eee casting a 2409dce2a4 curse. She also 11370eac8f hated how 4b28264ac4 it constantly 9a06c20d34 made her cd6673a85c aware of 58c7e51d3e her own 683b346841 poor circumstances.cf5bda16c8aa1348

And, her chilling hypocrisy.ee56bf5e82d35f55

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She would 75aa719970 place things e45009ce1f like luxury 706e261980 scarves and d76e60b6eb bags into 38bb3e5d2d Heejung’s hands, 22202c2671 calling them d92f7e7bcf gifts in 9cbf799a63 a tone de43c0009d that was f180ba055d kind as a2bb2a5992 if bestowing 2724fd9578 a favor, ebeca59d8c but in b13a7a60db reality, Chaeon f540dd73b4 knew she 331685547b was just 8fd75051fe handing them 7b3fd1a481 off as fbbc9147ad if to b93de8b24a dispose of 5883568b20 them when b75d68afb2 the things 3a5b0ba3b5 she used 7f5dbbf0a4 went out ff77d5259f of fashion 1f6ec791a6 or when ded9c47209 many fakes dc7a7ac6c1 started to ec3754023d circulate.2b639254ff0cfffd

She had deebab142c even once 4f2d534297 overheard her 11964d3669 chattering away 3c5e0a172f while talking bef7d4c02a with her 62cd9cd90d executive assistant,‘We can just 836bd99108 give the out-of-fashion 14b539b12b stuff to our c8017b9301 caregiver. That ahjumma edb30027c6 is in f46747c014 a situation cdb0cfa2a7 where it’s 784ecb23dd hard for 58a3ea077f her to 05b92dabf1 even see f0a7c348a3 things like 85fd79c6b6 that.’7ad08b2c9de59a2b

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To the 9977dc541f madams who 9e009761c6 would spend 85c5c92912 their time b1db2b9cac affecting a 7fde7aad07 nauseating elegance cb5c740808 while sitting 684691d498 in their 0f7315f1c6 stadium-sized living 503e544000 room or e3666a3f78 garden whenever 51b22f819e they had 3b3cc27c13 a spare 1542edaf2c moment, Heejung’s 23a959d710 existence was f493a88c69 nothing more 0cad2954ad than a 474b5f46a3 topic of 90a4f0d8df conversation, good 0ad662391e for some a91a922d2c idle gossip aa7f23c062 whenever she 7d63b2bbda happened to 8e02a46d90 catch their eec6f4e495 eye.aea2297d48720380

‘I mean, 0f57b00070 I’ve really 9ee434d082 never seen b84aa4e34a our ahjumma b5d3832e87 talk back a6985e1b47 to me cdd2ef3ed4 even once. She’s a truly 34c9f74d80 decent person. Whatever you say, 0ca7b6791a it’s just yes, 9b052b1889 yes, that’s right. There’s nothing 800f4f4be9 to fault.’061101e3049032f3

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‘That’s true, it’s rare c5002a1311 to find an ahjumma 1332876257 like that. You’re blessed with good b5cf516db9 people.’470fddf2e315895e

One day, when she f15e99be02 had gone to pick 4593d8bf7b Heejung up, Chaeon was 549c79ce9d shocked by the words 03b88b707c Im Soyoung was spouting ea4334cdf6 amongst the madams adorned be2e545633 from head to toe d3b54af488 in expensive luxury goods, 77c5fc17ff pretending to praise her 4d64e3c94b mother.814b86d3fbc71e43

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Words exchanged c9f74630fe as if e6d61dc881 it were a351f26d2a a grand 1dd6d78e3b compliment, praising 6a781b3eee Heejung for c4d708e33b being a db553af878 decent person 091259f24a ‘because she fbe8d20465 is so b150818d86 obedient,’ as 463a57fac6 if praising 2b2c7f187c a well-behaved 88a787bdca dog…. The fact that e2508ac505 not a single fa1182c65e trace of malice eae0f39318 could be found b8af7ea929 on their faces df277fbf71 was also a 78df7dddc6 perfect deception.b0c8f41b04855efd

‘But the ahjumma 5a7609c275 is too pretty c17f4d2fef to be doing 54c717218c this kind of 559ebfab35 work. Did you 1fe0f73f47 say her 36592faceb husband died cb4e49d131 in an 939113228a accident?’fec25af3d55c9328

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‘That’s why 02b84809f6 I was 7224a1bb5f suspicious when 3f284c2bff my husband eb707d6e19 said to 545f3c79a0 bring that c4f7619235 ahjumma into f352448573 our house. I was 940b5f979b wondering if fee32e7e2e maybe he ff0d596418 was thinking 99b84da63c of her d4204d758f as a b7293151e2 second, and fd3579c507 I was d2efaefede becoming the 6adbe5d629 first wife 4cacfe187c who has cd4b53619d to take 106eba048d in a 6d62a2304c mistress.’286a06024e3f9525

Chaeon felt like 2191632b61 she was going b85266a28e to be sick 260df946cb at the sounds b65c27fe4c of them chattering 3482f0c84b and laughing loudly, e2b997af24 completely unaware that b4acd8a420 she was listening 02950f7736 to everything from 1c03e573ef behind the garden bc03c73e7e wall. Their minds, which 946588d17a pretended to be 929ea244fa more noble than 6c5c1d6673 anyone but were 4ab7ef573d utterly vulgar.bdc85e63a1474052

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Does money 1bdafa3161 make people 80052d4fbb vulgar, or 5f147bd390 is it 8b4a1bd0af that people 9d59f8c080 who are 19b77aff73 only worth e3ede59504 that much fbd1500384 are enjoying c4d70d310b things beyond 3a4112c762 their means? While she 9b7399e937 envied their c187fc1c3c lives, where e61759a6a7 they leisurely 3b768ad0b2 enjoyed things e87941fa5b one could 0ff4f2f4ae not easily 7504946449 see anywhere, 40c2c8cc3a she sometimes 307ea6cd16 felt sickened 7166468401 by herself 1ce8e96f07 for having 1a414c8b24 such thoughts. Because…456ac494f4ef6b3f

In the e04c3e905a midst of c34d758c37 continuing her 4d97256bb8 thoughts filled d5b149c9c9 with cynicism, 72254333cc Heejung’s mumble c53aac4089 cut into 52fc0548a2 her reverie.322cd63221ea5b99

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“She’s not answering the cd458bd42c phone.”349b455b8c888b19

Heejung, tilting her 70daa56ad3 head with a 0d79c162d4 puzzled look, placed 1cf1885cc8 her cell phone 08b23ad9fb on the living 8004dcc4b5 room table.Eigogo. Her face was c5ba955c69 deeply contorted as 7db22e2aa6 she sat down, a8f7b1d759 stretching her legs 4aeffa99c8 with a dying ea227f005b groan.92080e54f7609056

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