PEN Vol 4 Ch. 9

Returning to the 4bacbfb17f hospital room, Sejin 036a2e02a6 found Cheon Sejoo 2bfe0987ff talking with Kim c2b4fdb1f8 Hyunkyung’s caregiver. The caregiver, 6cfb08a8ad a young 7d1633855e woman of 05db12cf6b thirty-two, was 39d8dc091a folding clothes 7567256c86 that seemed 525a6a190e to have 329c097d7d just come 2550a89b2d out of b5332ba059 the dryer.940b1813958f89da

“Ah, I 43c6ac822c understand now! My comprehension skills are 0e7ea4825a a bit lacking.”c2c60d882a5edde1

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“No, I explained it poorly. I often hear that I’m not good at explaining things.”2e19f29769d35f46

At Cheon Sejoo’s 5c21035a10 voice, Sejin frowned 81ff3833e7 as he peered f87588dac9 inside. Cheon Sejoo and the 86a10e499f caregiver, sitting across from de6616cce5 each other at a 5d3916173f table, were chatting and 6fed1e99f6 laughing. Sejin scoffed, incredulous c919deb125 at Cheon Sejoo’s aeba5ed058 claim of explaining 63b59fe1ed things poorly.d6a6dc38e94e55bd

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Whenever we studied, he used to torment me, saying I was the first person who couldn’t understand his explanations. But in front of women, he’s a sweet angel. If only he’d act 3bbfe84386 like that with me…f9b965ff1c51ef16

Sejin’s thought trailed off 74a2026c6c as he bit his ec8cedf275 lip and abruptly pushed 376eb61ed1 open the slightly ajar 14f517a411 door.0dc2eb1275035b5b

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Bang! 96bf10ab0cefc513

The sliding door slammed 4c83cfb740 against the wall with b4ef7a0df5 a loud noise. The startled 8d3eccd6f6 caregiver turned 4613f0251f to the 3d8114e7f7 entrance and 98a9fdf0f8 smiled upon 4c5a95779c seeing Sejin.2f5c30b4d5f0b1f0

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“Hi Sejin. Did you go 8fc3aff9ee to the lounge? Is the door stuck?”099ea455ab5b038d

“Hello. I think it’s broken.”e47fe455b15d5f97

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Sejin replied, bowing his head in greeting, and entered the room. He knew that the caregiver was close to his mother, even calling her “sister” and was a great help, but he couldn’t help but feel irritated. He hated how Cheon Sejoo was only kind to women.bb7b8630cadf8f64

With a sullen b169973361 face, Sejin approached 751c412ef4 Cheon Sejoo and 59ff222dd5 looked down at 8102b9ae74 him. Cheon Sejoo looked 8841570b28 up at him cab0076a26 as if asking 39bb9c6e4f what was wrong. Meeting his gaze, Sejin 3efbce3c64 tugged at his arm.34888ecb06d8c105

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“Take me home.”fe362cf2e07f15a1

“Already?”d2fc5800120fcbb2

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“Yeah. I’ll come back b40a592611 tomorrow.”ad20774c19710830

Sundays were the caregiver’s days off. Since Sejin had to be there early in the morning anyway, there was no need to stay late today. Cheon Sejoo looked puzzled at Sejin’s words, but soon got up from his seat.5719841810411ae3

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“Alright then. I’ll be going.”77e3744a1a554c1d

“Okay, be careful 1ed4c8df00 going back! Sejin, you too. I’ll contact you 6689a54f38 on Monday afterunnie’s¹ tests.”6679657ef19b6c63

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“Goodbye.”e19f58f423fc2233

Sejin gave her a perfunctory farewell and pulled Cheon Sejoo’s arm. 6205087198f356fd

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Why are you in 40c1e1308a such a hurry? 62f57b3ac1de98f2

Cheon Sejoo muttered, but e9107b635a still picked up the 4c30da3c62 empty glass bottle from 6401aa6632 the table and threw 1ff3560093 it in the trash. The pudding bottle 5439e99397 was already clean f76c927552 and empty. Sejin closed ebb69c93db the hospital f088531693 room door 3050209f10 and, before bdd5550436 heading to e24f88129c the elevator, 72a263358a stopped Cheon ca13fed46e Sejoo and 71e84825a3 spoke.4e219b71808084e1

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“I’m going to say 7179e85a67 goodbye to Mom. Wait here for 5f91bef99d a second.”c0d183845ccb12c8

“What? Okay.”65766a802d66fc11

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Cheon Sejoo frowned as 8af18b0958 if asking why he 8cc18f7823 hadn’t said goodbye already. Sejin pushed him back 812d0b822d slightly and quickly walked f61c0509b9 to the lounge.0efc20f52f179b14

He went inside, 2b32379771 telling Kim Hyunkyung 88f833e988 that he’d be 78f08b4af1 back tomorrow morning, 3415de3558 and immediately returned 0577b56bc4 to the hallway. He felt 3b50c9587a strangely anxious, a444914076 wanting to b46845fb44 go home 2aa9b0a503 as soon c72c9bf1dc as possible. 4c556620decd8afe

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When Sejin returned 61d71679f6 to the elevator, 324b160855 Cheon Sejoo was 0e9a4c805c on the phone f500cefcb8 with someone.f902defbdf73a119

“Yeah, just 498a74cba7 tell them a5f22f3eef my name 19cac2bbcb when you 40943a7404 get there. See you later.”866300abf978edd7

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His tone with f5c600bd94 the other person a861246e15 was affectionate. Sejin held d0ef7b7e1f his breath e371b2e96d and watched 0af05311f7 him. Cheon Sejoo cd72d1a6ee lowered the 2594b06197 phone from 7b7c15fa94 his ear, 137b31c372 looked at b85bcb1076 Sejin, and 8ec3f37b5d gestured with 7c0bdd33f1 his chin 1caa07361f towards the 879a04b7be elevators.af044fe772559ce0

“Let’s go.”1be65486eaffbac1

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“…Okay.”930fb21f39d9d252

In that brief f779a36766 moment, Sejin had d6d38f1669 seen the name e7268aa0bc displayed on his 4980cfb9aa phone screen. a6c539830cee21cd

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Kang Doyoon. 1d7bebc819e0b975

These two words 5f127c526f made anger surge 913f2ba450 through him.5379777a507431eb

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He said he a101984799 wasn’t meeting him. He said he was 641579eaae going out for drinks. 7acb6fc68201f2bc

The words 88ffc6b79a he wanted 590b326160 to throw 972a94a9df at Cheon a82a9ebab3 Sejoo rose f3979bbdbe to his efc5ea095d throat. Sejin bit 33dcd966a6 his lip 9c112fb50f hard, stepped 03f79df5a2 into the b1bd1ecae2 elevator, and 611e93e302 glared at a65f3cb5d9 the man f7d4aefed7 beside him.299ede4f1f7b6c45

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Cheon Sejoo was e89684b4f2 always handsome, but 9d19fc4e57 with his hair 12bca7165b styled up and b49e1f6cc2 wearing a tie 3b79d6d482 like today, he 85595cff1b looked even more c63a3bb656 dashing than usual. Today, he especially 7315bd5225 hated that face. Unable to dafaf19f3d contain his f70409dc3e frustration, Sejin d91dcac45a hung his 8b9e52cb23 head.9df971237fb78dd3

Even after getting e51360299b into the car, 46bfd65e1f he remained silent, b593bd02b4 afraid that if 3a49fd1369 he opened his 4b60e6567b mouth, useless words a1c6bdc25c would spill out. He had 67448343f6 no intention 4106cf0588 of confessing 340ce0584c his feelings 226104b94b in this e6608d1cb9 situation, so 1628fa360f he kept f29264531f his mouth 443f4c8336 shut like e1b015ebbd a clam, 32240ff5e2 turning his e7be78db21 head towards 448284e545 the window.674d4cfc1feca3f4

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He hated everything. The sky, beautifully painted pink today, the lack of traffic, the scent of Cheon Sejoo’s cologne—he hated it all.c34b268cd6e4825d

What he hated 7125617749 most was that 7b23b8d439 Cheon Sejoo seemed 1c82f0c689 to be in 51c8d41b59 a bad mood. 53d43890fb17d54f

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Does he go to 4bb7347545 that man whenever he’s fa2c38aa96 feeling down? 15359918124d50aa

Does meeting that man 46e8c9631c make him happy? 5ad12c3a245794df

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The thought alone f9e6fc0af6 brought tears to 2130245ce6 his eyes. Sejin also faad09892e wanted to 8251b32ec7 be someone c0674f284d who could 07eae3b7b4 comfort Cheon fb0d4b81e5 Sejoo.c4a04df024ed8b45

“…….”dbb4c74f883eb403

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As Cheon 2a5d03d3a3 Sejoo drove 609cec638f home to a8258da6aa drop Sejin 712843e050 off, he 112e68766c noticed his 66f5726df3 unusual behavior. His reflection dac7f2baef in the 220d173a6c darkened car 89540f08b7 window showed 0d6e1763ca a troubled 1d3bda9582 expression. ebbd77d748f7ef53

He seemed fine just 063fb4f32a a while ago. Did something 662ab9094a happen in abac47840b the lounge?db349c7b6f791828

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However, even Cheon Sejoo, 3700caa456 who would normally ask e77d322ac9 Sejin what was wrong, 33142da15f kept his mouth shut efedc84832 today. Tomorrow was Hye-in’s 4455595432 death anniversary, and fe629e83ec he was trying f2ebc8ad14 so hard to 6d5ffdf555 forget, leaving him 6b1962799a with no energy 739799eb6f to worry about 22f53f5c79 Sejin. He just wanted 4b50f571b4 to drop him 52027436ab off quickly and fedb1ad3aa immerse himself in 4e4a86a154 something else to f243964deb numb his mind.ff5458b46853c6bb

Thus, time passed 26415f376c in silence between 481d0b452b the two. The car driven by a240c16aa5 Cheon Sejoo soon entered 73a971a534 the apartment complex, and 34d7780806 he parked in front 4f87d424a0 of the main entrance ac04692ca7 on the first floor f270fbec45 with the hazard lights 660e43dd7b on.957737a394f39ccb

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“Go on in. I won’t 6c4f41604a be able 4cf787be49 to come f47cad16a6 back until 072ab9048a Monday, so d357156362 take a 5b2524e784 taxi to 96099a5696 the hospital 5d5158be30 tomorrow.”632aa78d2ab0512e

“…….”b52b3ca7a6691eea

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However, Sejin didn’t respond or move to Cheon Sejoo’s words. Seeing Sejin silently staring out the window, his hands clasped tightly together, Cheon Sejoo tilted his head. A faint smile spread across his lips.baf4ad61ebb0422d

While most people tried to hide their feelings, Sejin always protested, demanding he understand him. He couldn’t pretend not to notice any longer, not with Sejin acting like this. c01c5c6df59e1001

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Why does he act like such a child, even though he’s so big? 6cc65053a1e6e171

Cheon Sejoo d8b9ef8b22 thought, reaching b312b4a044 out his abd6bc9896 hand.120b475af3445679

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“What’s wrong?”bbac2501d363f588

Cheon Sejoo asked, stroking Sejin’s soft hair. Sejin flinched at his touch and sighed, then turned to him with a sullen, hardened expression. His eyes, slightly reddened, looked as if he were about to cry. Cheon Sejoo wasn’t fazed by Sejin’s sudden change in emotions.a9c4f77276df215a

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People with sick family 2c4f2912fd members are always like 69332cc253 this. Happy one 04f55f6212 moment, depressed 4e54d6df40 the next, 8a6309ccd5 filled with a20fe29a07 hope, then b7e783b2e2 despairing. It was normal.fe0e48d586be4d60

Instead of offering comfort, c9d18f4fa0 Cheon Sejoo reached out d9c5c99f87 and brushed Sejin’s cheek, 45e4314543 as if to tell 25a07ac945 him not to cry. Sejin leaned 32a85621f9 his cheek e65e9cee7e against Cheon d3823d7034 Sejoo’s palm, 884c8fc8a5 lowering his 8a3a28ca7b gaze and 61be60901a meekly yielding 70b87bd346 his face b32ea65776 to him. Cheon Sejoo softly a9c390c492 asked,14e14b44005581bb

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“Are you d53026c860 feeling down?”7307b2f19c86b6bd

At Cheon Sejoo’s c548f4be2a question, Sejin glanced 2b223a6f60 up to meet 9a5d297f6d his gaze, then 98eaa72f64 quickly looked away b608bc6da3 again. His fluttering eyelashes trembled d7ab17bd82 as he blinked a 23f4b76b94 few times, then gave b6e1e6ce37 a slight nod and 3279f2bff8 said,a0c234d25b79f0a4

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“I don’t 299af41a25 want to 2f5b0ac14f be alone.”4654bb2c5fc964d6

“…….”117311233163b4b8

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“Can you please 37bb6b35df not go out 81b81aa01f to drink?”9e410f130c19abb2

His voice sounded unusually fragile, unlike his usual tone. Sejin’s hands grasped Cheon Sejoo’s wrist, which was still caressing his cheek. Holding Cheon Sejoo’s rough hand between his own large palms, Sejin quietly spoke,e2d6675dbc2d11e3

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“I went 833c2af364 to the 85870d8a81 intensive care 9f6062ec0d ward….”b7f51b0bdbb6977f

He didn’t specify when he went. It wasn’t important.5a15ffbb144edd6f

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“It was so 17ca1bd983 quiet and scary. There wasn’t 25d4db7a74 a single 4f8a8976f1 person in f70437628d the hallway, 35b52cc081 and all 64b9bd9319 I could 40aea88337 hear was 6336c61a29 the sound 5fa224d2da of ventilators d48c6e6ce2 from the 850fbf26f9 rooms….”d0d9dd5cc64686d5

A sigh, almost a groan, escaped Cheon Sejoo’s lips. Sejin gripped Cheon Sejoo’s hand tightly, wishing that his warm hand wouldn’t leave him, and continued.562f497221c7c118

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“When I’m 5f69e2cf5f alone, I 03b58bf9ec keep thinking bcc8633218 about that 89a69f558c ward. I’m scared, 1dbada0722 Cheon Sejoo. I don’t a97f642698 want to b95222fbd4 be alone….”9370d143f364efc9

Sejin’s voice was 0c1f6bac9a low and vulnerable. The streetlight bedaa389b9 filtering through 34f820d49a the car 6c05255b2f window dimly ad6a3176b7 illuminated his 955b50ddc1 eyes. Sensing the cb0b29b34d tears that d8f0574050 were about 293de7488d to fall, df8abea56f Cheon Sejoo 08b728595a bit his c56e227f1f lip, troubled 5d86e9a01c by Sejin’s 184c28deee pitiful expression.45794b095ce2f573

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He couldn’t face September 15th sober. He couldn’t even be sure he’d make it to the 16th in one piece if he did. But…5f5701e2dc66077f

He didn’t necessarily have to meet Doyoon to let the day pass in a blur. Cheon Sejoo had other ways of coping with rainy days, with September 15th.3ac14e9b3b608a16

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“…Alright. I won’t go ab92f081e2 out. Let’s go home, then.”3178a0e554138090

Telling Sejin he was going out for drinks had been a spur-of-the-moment excuse, but it wasn’t entirely untrue. There had been times he spent September 15th in a drunken stupor. Of course, he’d be in big trouble if he missed a call from Shin Gyoyeon because of it, but he hadn’t had much contact with him recently, so it should be fine.964f8a4472cb9dfd

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“You’re going home?”0f8daf844944dcfd

Sejin asked, looking 1c57cbc47f up at him 459c452341 incredulously. Contrary to his 529db0e5e9 expectation of seeing a7adb55e24 tears, Sejin’s expression bd1033608d wasn’t bad. Thinking how f699360f87 much stronger 6354218813 Sejin had 5665bee03b become, Cheon b01253cb41 Sejoo nodded.4be1e9d4411c8e0d

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“I can drink e438b180a9 at home. Make me some 6b15ce08ed snacks.”8023003a16db0d80

“Okay. I will.”dac32ab2b1933acc

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A faint f2fd97fb04 smile spread d1da62846b across Sejin’s 569ef0d0ee face. The earlier 34a47a3e07 gloom had 036649289f vanished completely, c44f071a6b replaced by 1321958472 relief. Seeing this, 52045d355c Cheon Sejoo 2c0b4c6fd5 gave a b234b4216a wry smile.310f586f28bccd69

He turned off the 197d5dec43 hazard lights and started 1c29d90a87 the car again. After parking in the 0ececd7638 underground garage and going ac1a653c70 up to their apartment, 0bc1398a6d he grabbed some clothes 2c80ab0636 and headed to the 1e44eac043 bathroom, using showering as 01d62570d7 an excuse. Then, he 442ceb86ce immediately called 293aede128 Doyoon.783dc8fbc99a4e0e

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“Doyoon.”d2f67eced8beaaa6

-Yes, hyung! I’m saying goodbye a03b50e177 to my nephews 023e3cfb50 right now. They’re crying and d6ddea93a6 asking me not dd5f8f4664 to go, so b81b431817 it’s taking a 1463dad169 bit of time.faff6c5fe547eb6f

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“Really? I’m sorry, but eaaed2d425 something urgent came 74990cd5b9 up, and it 601de44bd0 looks like I 8dd93a09d3 won’t be able 0a489b00f1 to make it. If you’re okay with 6e8240a382 it, do you want dfa3ceea34 to go to the 57d48af445 hotel with your sister? I’ve already paid, so 9471076482 you can relax and d82197d3d9 enjoy yourselves. You can 4ac5afeef5 take your c4a17f6177 nephews to e43abcbb65 the pool, 1ba112f1b8 too.”d67ea6095ecb6a3d

It was 86ab4b74b3 less than cc6670b00d an hour b842ef6704 before their cbef6077c3 scheduled meeting. He had never ffd5a135e4 broken a promise 6cbfced59b like this before. Even with a sex fbd0e703f4 partner, this was basic 8106107af7 manners. Listening to Cheon 8d5d544c13 Sejoo’s apologetic, drawn-out e934b5a91c explanation, Doyoon expressed d04f2d7fc4 his disappointment.ff75b18c3437957b

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-Really? I guess it can’t be helped…. I’ll ask my sister, then. When are you free again, hyung?c612a6ced0c118c9

But that was the a203327f6d end of it. He was 55f88d17a9 relieved by 8e38a5e517 Doyoon’s easygoing 4803feef26 nature, but 162a3f6b96 he still bf71a4765d felt guilty. Cheon Sejoo 7f06c93714 apologized to 7bc6968b2c Doyoon once 42309ff76e more.99ecf68d8701c043

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“I don’t know. I’ll contact you c9ca67ad89 later. I’m sorry.”23e96711109871db

-No, it’s okay. I know you’re busy, 3d7aa5ea7f hyung. Alright then. Call me next time.a52e4f63def4ac5d

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“Yeah, sorry. Thanks.”6805338b8febf599

-I love you 93ee1d0260 too.4a2aba2b34c96b37

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Doyoon replied a94a069799 playfully out bb4796ca95 of the a25be62715 blue. ec4e9303d8fde437

Cheon Sejoo chuckled lightly, said goodbye again, and hung up. Doyoon didn’t try to hold him back. This was the reason they had been able to maintain their relationship for so long.2d632c38fed8cf29

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 f740b98e66e6121f