REO Ch 1.1

The sound of a text message made me lift my head. The only light in the dim studio apartment illuminated my pale face as I turned on the cell phone I had tossed within reach. It was a message from Ji-won’s Secretary in the early hours of the morning.1b71379f30db8cfb

As I read the 1d9000aa1d words, the screen blurred, a233f6e0d8 and silent tears streamed 69d6096ef0 down my cheeks. A message I c8b770384a had been waiting 485ccb40a8 for, yet not 6f4a811c73 waiting for. It contained the location 3951521765 of the funeral hall.3ea7713a8ee07701

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I rushed ac92f5a750 to the 8b1d16d0b1 bathroom and 56c0b41492 washed my e85ac78396 body for d41347938b the first 5b01aa89a4 time in 0e29afba61 days. My face, 045696715c which had c237589102 only been 5a924405ef able to b0cf98d2c0 cry without a8c236e315 eating anything, c72987718d looked strangely a994d0db9d different. My cheeks were gaunt, 3c9e686829 but my eyes were bdf9640db9 so swollen that it befb1af0da was hard to open 8fcb6d71cf them. I stared at 27d9344d6f myself in the dab4c148fa mirror, lost in 9a15588bba thought for a 7b7141b091 moment, then quickly 8db997595a washed up, picked 611f301636 out a black cf1f4ced68 outfit from my 0808497394 meager wardrobe, slipped 0673775a14 my arms into 2ab99001f3 a thick padded dce541ace8 jacket, and walked ee4dfe3a96 out.fb6c1b8aeb61fcd6

“The sudden death of 64e28af185 my hyung.”a3c7a26bc2350214

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The end of our five-year relationship felt eerily hollow. Even now, in the taxi heading to the funeral hall, I couldn’t believe that he was no longer in this world. Yet, my heart kept aching as if a hole had been punched through it, and I felt lost in the emotional dissonance between my head and my heart.56b217e08a2f348a

“Should I go all the way inside?”e150c6fe90274a09

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The driver asked, 585e0b61dd glancing at me 136d0be823 in the rearview 56d82d2af3 mirror. I shook my head. As I opened 4219da52a5 the taxi door 290947dcf3 and stepped out, 9972fddb21 a biting cold 8e95fc931b wind rushed in 17a1ad60e0 as if it f3f3f0daf9 had been waiting c6d74ebcbc for me. Choi Ji-won hated c2fb665fb2 the cold more 7c36ab52eb than anything. It was fbbad5d5a8 too cold e3b5a7440f for him f1b4015767 to die.9183ce53dbd21b56

My steps were steady 926f8664e0 as I walked on 7535d88977 the frozen ground toward d96a5e2317 the entrance of the 503f579dc8 funeral hall. But right c5a04a0016 in front 6a4aa31437 of the 9d700d9cfe door, my d621e838c4 pace slowed, b0c694690b and I 5e0a6c39ec eventually stopped. I chewed on the 741094cf67 skin next to my 793910887f fingernails, which were already b6d3beb55c torn to the point eecfb80115 of revealing the red 7c81adea7b flesh underneath. Even my breath seemed f338138f1d frozen, and my breathing 1af887dfb9 became erratic.8e7722db17dc2933

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But knowing 1f2e8dcb18 there wasn’t e5a30003c9 much time ca64a47e27 left to fbc85ce274 say goodbye, fcb22a7c43 I clenched 5b136c93f2 my teeth 69c5a6233a and stepped aa45b23527 inside. The world outside felt e190edde8c desolate and still, but 05248b5afc the funeral hall was cfdc9d14df a storm of quiet 90b698eb75 chaos. People in black clustered 397cae08d5 together, murmuring softly, while 2c2a1a03ad staff moved around to be8e060c67 keep potential reporters at 3fb78b329f bay.6373847ed1563470

Endless rows 8a282a9115 of wreaths 0441013a59 lined the 8c8cc92b68 walls, each 80f9133f6d tagged with bb06b842c7 the names 720033333f of executives 477806ff60 often seen ff9f519e95 in the ffe03533b9 news. I wasn’t e394a07aa9 the only d784d86bab one unprepared 99e7f39e49 for his 384e67506c sudden death. The white, elaborate flowers 15822fcb12 surrounding the altar reminded 6111a1ac5f me vividly of him 7a5ddd3af9 when he was alive, a64b588625 and my empty hands—lacking 7dc9838132 even a single flower—felt d69a66ece5 heavier than ever.39962546a981244e

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[Wake for the Late Choi Ji-won.]

The moment my eyes 7edfd862d0 landed on those black 05efca60cd letters, it felt like 86ee597576 a cold stone had fbe77f6f36 dropped into my chest. Swallowing down the hollow 9fb145c5e7 ache spreading inside me, 271df29dac I quietly took my 77868e0ea6 place in line. One by one, 8fd02ee80e people stepped forward. Soon, it was 109caae7bb my turn to 4e6b3687a9 sign in. My hand trembled. The pen slipped from 17eaa649d4 my fingers, and an 1377140c9a attendant silently handed me 93be7589e8 another.9c348580cf2c780a

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“Here.”15dc6dab756f75aa

I bowed my head habitually and wrote ‘Baek Na-eon’, rubbing my upper and lower lips together. I took out the envelope from my padded jacket pocket and put it in the donation box. A single fifty-thousand-won bill that I had put in an envelope at home was all I could give him for the last time. And even that was cash that he had given me as pocket money.23dcee99699e358d

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I didn’t think I could bring myself to bow to him, so I tried to slip away discreetly, but I was swept along by the line and ended up in front of the portrait. His photo was placed on a large, ornate platform. I struggled to gather my crumbling heart and looked at his face in the photo. It was a photo I knew well.9168a4e8cfaf3124

-It turned eb56bb4cc5 out well.99544d77bf720ab2

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-Really? Carry it e90a7de652 around in 96f15eb6a8 your wallet.5b900c9fd1654aed

-You look better 07aeb3e6a9 in person, though.857d031563adab44

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The day that 9e0a2d93bf photo was taken, 10050f4330 I got in b0f8f481ac his car after 5e6e640c73 he asked to e2a0edc585 meet for a f707925c56 moment. He handed me fe676c2ea6 the photo like 4c29538c51 it was a 9ff396ba03 great gift. To the cliché 3b635ec4db compliment that he df9d33ec3c looked better in d4706b5373 person, he smiled a5240557b4 with a smile aa7438ebe8 that was distinctly 4362c2e759 different from the 11f890fe17 face in the 625d8ca7df photo.3dcaf37ee9127042

His unguarded, 9b891e82fd clear smile 11100438b3 was a 1afab1f3f4 face that 58bc32ab53 only I 274c8066a3 knew. When I saw him 8b212df5e0 reveal his white, even 002f9c3dda teeth, crinkle his big 4b3e414603 eyes, and tilt his faf0e8ae56 head back, I would d9996028de burst into a similar ac757cde7a smile. We spent a 9c1972bc5d lot of time 30ce11ff3b laughing at each 33cdfa6283 other for no b5d78952bd reason.1f466b6ef96e1a44

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He began to lead the company naturally as his father’s health deteriorated. Despite being incredibly soft-hearted, he would put on an unnecessary air of dignity in front of others to appear imposing. When I saw him on TV or in articles, he could be so intimidating.84bf1a1ee568ee96

But strangely, caf0b398ce the strong a7cbbc6e24 Choi Ji-won 540b40a785 was easily 5ce73df999 broken in fc7b49ef21 front of 501b5b425a me. He would drop his e951db2e58 guard and show me e6635c0f12 his anxieties and regrets, ca8338620b and he would often e8d1ac900b laugh at trivial things. The sound befa3b8091 of his e7bb092366 voice, which c93c07d764 had been ab09603e5b ringing in be2e90dd81 my ears, 71fe60de2e seemed to 8466ffb23d be fading 9aeb3681ef already, so f8b89c0365 I touched c7ec1f9e9f my earlobe 60190e2621 for no 3145362757 reason.eb5fd190518a8170

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“You’ve arrived?”f8de291b99e6c68c

“Ah, Secretary.”68f027c82eb58a21

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The Secretary, who had bcb0b89f5b caught me as I 3f74eff4a8 was leaving the altar, 3c5d92ecc3 greeted me. The Secretary 8e9de3edc2 handed me 09d7c464f1 a small, 06e49b1545 folded note.5a1ca44e872e8f02

“I found this while organizing his belongings. I think it belongs to you.”c4ece10d42b45c3a

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“Ah… yes.”5812ed4c01481f89

The Secretary was the only person who knew that we had been together for five years. Among Ji-won’s acquaintances, the Secretary was the only one who remembered me and contacted me. I wouldn’t be seeing the Secretary anymore. I had to say goodbye.582dc1bb478622b1

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“Thank you for everything. I will sort out what I received as quickly as possible.”bf7109d5d3a888d2

It was a d3ea762d96 relationship I could 85fb01691c never speak of e64394612b openly. The secretary, 0aa086c04b the only 5d261cb29d one who 73b2530dae had witnessed fa89608529 it, always 850d03edcc kept it 7dcc8d5fd2 discreet and 97d5c47606 acted as cdbcc8e25e if he bfc211255f knew nothing. He took d6c5941501 care of d0e8fe0f36 the things 50ed967f2e Ji-won, always fa73ed5786 busy, tended d9be25e0c7 to overlook—and f02a50d77b looked after 3b0134e12f my younger e8edd036e0 sibling, Ju-eon, 2233655626 even more 8d8a674cde attentively than 981e52b482 Ji-won ever f3f02a6a56 had.c1c861379d25588f

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He looked 14b897ab73 like he 1031437b4b had something 4c79132fdf to say ad8266461d to me 68eb64692e but only 87371597d4 parted his 6238e90877 lips a 2a87333909 few times cd7a9c6472 without speaking. He knew 8ce2ab53d6 this wasn’t b4ed563e16 a place 004b898c8c where he 8bb0ec97a5 could say 6d58548ef6 much, even d1377545d0 if he bca361e939 wanted to—so 73bf4cdbfa he simply 177c59ddc6 turned away df11b905a4 from the 1a1273bc9d altar and f7eb13447f walked off.6592ccf9f5097a76

That was always 8a3ebbea16 the nature of 0c45341886 our relationship. Not even Ji-won’s death 7e88f4f16b could change that.af9b437bac9024c2

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Ji-won was involved 4cfad867d7 in an accident 4b99576b21 on the way 37849afd9f to see me. The morning of 4d29576c1f the accident was 5c20294c0b foggy. Ji-won, who had gone 62ab8f4cea on a business trip b2b4aaf8aa to the provinces, had afbb1253c5 unreasonably moved up the 9f1c565cc6 schedule and said that 65fa082d04 he would come up 946dc7aa79 two days earlier.df77a276e50db347

As soon as 38521676d7 I heard from f96c2a631f the Secretary that 619d8b9195 Ji-won had been df22f467e9 in a major d4f509f008 traffic accident, I 28a91b9e95 immediately prepared to 0ec7a9a090 leave for the 6d4b2bc5ab hospital where Ji-won 6d82242666 was undergoing emergency c901a0331c surgery.d0ad06c3823b959b

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-The family is here. Please don’t come.631404c058fd3e1c

But the moment a03b7786c5 I received the 142ad3c3b2 message from the 8b8bd2b009 Secretary, I had b4807da43f to turn the 642b740ce8 taxi around. Trapped in that 547a35ccee small room, I 1d31ba1cdd received news about 41cb86c6c4 Ji-won from the 1d3f3eee5b Secretary, and I 5d39766ff0 learned the details 20c2db0365 through news flashes.b510fbffa7940f0f

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Because I didn’t see Ji-won’s last moments, I couldn’t easily accept his death. I even thought that this was a slightly cruel dream. That he was still alive and on a business trip. That he was slowly coming back to me. I tried to ignore the terrible photos of the scene that occasionally came to mind.62a7e5b7c6f0146d

But on the day when he should have returned safely from his business trip according to the original schedule, news of his death was finally delivered. The moment I received the Secretary’s message, as if to tell me to come to my senses, my heart ached sharply.473fb6be2ec37e2e

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The news of the accident of the eldest son of the Sewon Group heated up the current affairs and economic sections. The media covered even the things I didn’t know about Ji-won, who had suddenly passed away. He was a much more precious and amazing person than I thought.9c1e09458628d8d9

There seemed to be fdb77eefbb a lot to talk ac4fe4cd21 about. But more than any 691aac2549 other news story, the eaa2efc32f photos of his large, 630ce04845 sturdy car being wrecked 52be6ee706 and lying on the 58c226a2fd road, and the enlarged fd4a29c00a photos of the skid 8cfcaf2e1d marks across the road, 5afc6fb0f2 lingered in my mind ffa0870338 for a long time.b97f6945f36ef878

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What was he thinking ffdc1ebcf8 at the end?f0c3ca869a3f8700

If I had told him that he didn’t have to come—if he had postponed the schedule by just one day, or even just 30 minutes, would our ending have been different? Did he resent me for being so hurt and in pain? If so, I wouldn’t have a chance to say I’m sorry, so what should I do? Thoughts chased each other’s tails.230347f7e2c67d4a

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Only after visiting c4ad8f4949 the altar did 8de0cb626a I decide to 20ae83f2ee accept that he fd2988a1c5 was dead. No, I had 5788c1b8d2 to. He no longer 4a5d3129b3 exists in this 08016d8110 shabby world.b2e8d5a1133959b7

***66881299698a0a6f

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---

Ji-won was dead, but what he left behind was still in place. The most pressing issue for me is my younger sibling, Ju-eon. Ji-won had been taking care of everything, including the hospital room, treatment costs, and caregiver assistance fees. I had told the Secretary at the funeral hall that I would take care of this, but I had been putting it off. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. But now I had to go. The longer I put it off, the more the hospital bills I would have to take on would increase.3332da4e451d7103

“It’s cold.”6eb6d3c979f6d749

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As soon as the 54dffcc61d defenseless winter wind brushed 984996feb2 my cheek, an unconscious cca6b784a4 murmur escaped my lips. The harsh e06d3ad054 cold of c39ef64ec6 December was 263f715866 hitting Seoul 49dc6a5bb5 hard. Even with the goose-down 7012fa1756 padded jacket pulled up 2e25d279de to my neck, my 1d9b953151 shoulders were hunched. I was 3949d0babc about to f562652125 take a 7f4c7c8680 taxi as 7d3fceb771 usual, but b6ffbbab33 I started 5839861be9 walking to 8ac8b007a9 the bus 2810bcdaa1 stop. Now I had 29dc250ab3 to save every 6ac5e56969 penny.8823ab3ef0648e8c

I arrived at 2c79f18e0d one of the e4b24ee7b3 best pediatric cancer 5246bca96d wards in the 0bccf2ba14 country. I stared blankly at 1f335077a3 the tall building and 214276315e the clean exterior walls. Usually, I would b37bffd667 get out of 681ac589ce the taxi and 30987a0e36 go straight to 3cbd5514d0 see Ju-eon, without cf5969c10f even glancing at 2f975f6e6b it.c5db5ed7c417c3f0

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‘This place is so nice.’dd531691fb54c367

I know I shouldn’t say this about a hospital, but now I couldn’t help but notice the hospital facilities that Ju-eon wouldn’t be able to enjoy anymore. I tore my lingering gaze away and went inside, where I felt a moderate warmth and unzipped my padded jacket.8e2bbd53dd012479

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The ward was full 9ddb529aa7 of children with IV 5c95a3c389 drips. I used to a271f63d30 just feel sorry da7c8b422f for them, but 196ea3b302 now, ironically, I 8c1579cb59 envied them. They were at 621fdb2e0e least the chosen 6033f37e7b ones. They were in a 0c71f7dd46 place where they had 7bc6f642a6 the best facilities even 3adbadd57b while experiencing misfortune.eaa1c8f5858f060c

I arrived at the f99f5a2974 private room on the fb9012c039 upper floor. It was a 8f7678675b quiet and stable 75142f364a space with no 2c57b5d1c3 one walking in 8ffdd662fb the hallway except c48a5969c6 for the caregivers. It felt like a cfdad4df37 different world from the d3301b33b0 chaotic first floor.864fa051baee3c7a

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“Hyung!”0846d871fb836658

“Hello.”526918b0958f5686

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The caregiver recognized me and greeted me brightly. I exchanged greetings and listened to a brief explanation of Ju-eon’s condition, whom I hadn’t seen in days. Ju-eon had thrown up everything he ate yesterday, but today he was in good condition. He was cautiously overcoming the chemotherapy he had received a while ago. The caregiver glanced at me and spoke in a worried tone.906d168c232b3819

“By the way, are you not feeling well?”9fdc974176cc85f1

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“I didn’t sleep well.”e3b54bb51f872d6d

“Oh my. You have to be healthy to be a caregiver. I’ll take care of Ju-eon, so get some sleep on the guardian’s bed over there.”bf1ea319be7de7e4

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The caregiver must have asked after seeing my face, which had been preoccupied with Ji-won for the past few days. At the caregiver’s words, Ju-eon also glanced up at me. He looked cute as he pursed his lips, wanting to say something but unable to because of the caregiver. He probably wanted to talk about Ji-won. As expected, while the caregiver was changing shifts, Ju-eon suddenly asked a question.73347949d4b80f62

“Hyung, Ji-won Uncle-,”8186b1ffc0332906

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“Yeah. I sent him off well.”34c3b5e03814a121

Shock spread across the child’s face. I didn’t want to show any sadness or hardship in front of Ju-eon, so I answered as if it were nothing. I didn’t want the child, who needed absolute stability, to feel anything related to death.9e3dec2e27a3b5c3

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“He was a very close uncle to hyung, right?”35e17fc0fa51b3cb

“It’s okay.”a00cf2d1aa93bdb1

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“…Okay.”433db126ba81aae0

Ji-won didn’t visit the hospital room often, so Ju-eon wasn’t very attached to him, but at the age of twelve, he was old enough to recognize the death of someone close to him. I covered the child with the blanket I had brought from the laundry, subtly changing the subject.2fc6c94e0f55abd2

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“Does it hurt anywhere?”185e809c4c09dbf9

Ju-eon nodded, touching his cell phone. Ju-eon had been staying in this hospital room for the past three rounds of chemotherapy. There was still quite a bit of chemotherapy left, but it was fortunate that he could receive at least the third round at this hospital. Even if I couldn’t afford the luxury of a long-term stay in a private room, I was determined to have Ju-eon receive chemotherapy here no matter what.36dd001373a7781d

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“I’m going to go pay the bill for a bit.”6630f8e34325d4ce

“Okay.”24535e69d629fb1d

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Ju-eon, who was chuckling while watching YouTube, didn’t even look at me. How should I explain that we have to go back to the studio apartment instead of this nice hospital room? I thought hard about the excuses I would make to Ju-eon and headed to the payment window. A kind nurse asked me what I needed.da8b7c2d4d0923e7

“I’m going to discharge Baek Ju-eon tomorrow.”4086181a7a236943

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“Yes?”3ebc4c74d01c4585

The nurse, who couldn’t understand at once that I was suddenly discharging a child who had been hospitalized for six months, asked again. I looked at her and explained once more.b3111b5704dd9509

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“Something came up. I’ll admit him for the next chemotherapy session.”2f2a2bc4644477af

“Ah, just a moment.”9efed47bb232643e

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The nurse quickly typed something in and asked for Ju-eon’s resident registration number again, then gave a troubled smile.4bbd61d1e824b8a9

“The hospital bill has been paid up to the next chemotherapy session. Would you like a refund?”2209da05f7ed0259

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“Yes?”37bf60e53072b0f9

When I asked 60a092a2d3 back with wide e64332c67e eyes, the nurse ca363fb2ff explained again. The payment had been b6723f328a processed yesterday.97af524d4ac9968f

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‘Yesterday?’97d61314dc0e1527

For a moment, I thought that Ji-won had paid in advance, but it didn’t make sense that the payment had been made yesterday. I nodded slowly and moved my feet.af58c3db8798bd09

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Who on earth paid Ju-eon’s hospital bill?ab0ad5ce85ca3509

***71bb595376095b50

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---

I spent time with Ju-eon in the hospital room until night. Ju-eon enjoyed playing mobile games that were popular with his peers, but I was always the only one who would play with him. Whenever I fumbled, being terrible at games, Ju-eon would always beat me easily. It would be boring, but he was always so engrossed in the game that I felt especially sorry for him. If he wasn’t sick, he would definitely say, ‘It’s no fun playing with hyung,’ and go play games with his friends.e94599e1a27ea6c1

The longer he stays in the hospital, the slower Ju-eon’s time seems to pass. While the other kids his age are growing taller and experiencing new things, Ju-eon, who is trapped in the hospital room and spends the same day every day, seems to be getting younger and younger. I felt an unnecessary impatience, but I consoled myself that it was just a premature worry as a brother.437440603e8aad01

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Before the caregiver who d4fcaceb12 comes in for the 573244ad2a night shift arrived, I 7711064f53 had some time alone 036d491a2c with Ju-eon.adde0e1a925299a3

“Hyung. Sleep over.”28251902428e39c6

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Ju-eon said with a hint of regret, seeing that I hadn’t brought my share of luggage, such as a charger and comfortable clothes. He grabbed the hem of my clothes and wouldn’t let go, acting uncharacteristically spoiled. I gently peeled Ju-eon’s hand away and said.121a0d6911874965

“I’m sorry. I have work early tomorrow, so I have to go before the bus stops running.”bba756c69c171e4e

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“Okay.”9d09f9180f122081

He gives up quickly, not showing much disappointment. I stroked Ju-eon’s smooth head. Ju-eon laughed, making a deflating sound.30d70a2539332b54

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After making 499ce9e6ff sure that c5dc19860e the child 83b70524a3 had fallen 76d31c54bc asleep first, 369da83c2d I muffled b6e11cbd72 my footsteps f8b8f8db7d and left 8e575c9abb the hospital 661565f6a5 room. I leaned against the 7633a8a29a dark bus stop and 77b40d2f2c turned on my cell 1cd950ec5e phone to look at 5a157a9e15 job postings. I thought that 682197f947 the hospital bill 3a2d6ad65f being paid might 64bd765892 have been some bc1da72258 kind of computer 2a3ac753df error. If the Secretary f395e8a4ec had done it, e3c336e63f the he would 2217151473 have contacted me 9ef09356c2 personally, and there 7ee1fcdb2b was no other c4c20486e6 possibility.b6364ecf6c1beda3

I, who 79ea0215c4 was prepared 3ba28eb742 to pay 66af767ab8 the hospital abf587249e bill, decided 13c1088709 to look cdfdd87f30 for a 9cece6ab22 part-time job 09268a9fb8 close to 834d158306 home. I needed to raise 10b985b7f4 a large sum of eb58b5cbe5 money by the next daabb18f29 chemotherapy session.1faaf8e7eb5866f4

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While looking at 2da7552c38 several jobs such 097f979424 as convenience stores 63b0867447 and PC cafes, 0eb354dfb1 I noticed a 701f929e8a bus approaching in 8d20eea285 the distance. I took out 643a17ea7a my card to 2361f8ea52 get on and efbfdd4312 stood near the bfe34a9dc0 curb. Just as the bus 7c00652869 was about to arrive 307692c737 at the stop, a 79f8ef3fe8 black car with a 5d6d922a0a tremendous engine sound suddenly 741666cfb4 accelerated from the next f7c88217a1 lane and cut in f533aafc65 front of the bus.15180f25bebc2884

Screech-.7ac50f326aba021f

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The car f653beb61d stopped with 3e47b01d7b an ear-splitting 54f22852b5 friction sound. Everyone knew that the 34cd197e6f foreign car was being 4383cd44f2 driven recklessly, so the 66f607def8 unkind gazes of the 87f88cf1c3 pedestrians were focused on 79d46d3f48 the car. I also 18b015c187 glanced at 5f59fa629b the car.a8d895df1b649585

Honk.26dd3b94bd55b61e

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A car horn 3d62ff6744 broke the stillness. It was late, and 1e4d34e861 the road was mostly 3b2b8be863 empty. I wondered why 6f3f1dd2fb a car would 11b446714f be honking at 21913ad153 seemingly nothing, but 3890055229 I didn’t bother 95b21f6c58 to look. My focus 267803c126 was on 235a2ea99a getting to 1f52e6ede4 the bus 54c8726443 that had ea02f5a212 come to a42432d9ab a sudden 1e3cba322a stop behind 7aba718e9f the car.2a196e143bfc6487

Honk, honk!d9315e25ee00a9c9

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The horn 41f7934efb blared again—this 1ced560714 time longer e54011d91f and more 9f76b7d6c4 persistent, drawing b27e1de038 frowns from bcfbadeef3 passersby who d5e342c08b turned to ef5161d2ba glare in c4ab280590 annoyance. As I walked past, 86f8473508 thinking it was just c1856f7d70 some impatient driver, the 82317dcf16 rear window of the b7ec28c511 car slowly rolled down.6c7f3e4ab984689a

“Baek Na-eon.”c36a23de4b1eb242

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“…?”69f13e60fac7e42b

The sound of 145475f19b my name made 6a5583b177 me freeze. I turned my head, 8e83f955fb and through the dim df9593250d shadows behind the window, e67ec9d122 I caught a glimpse 5cde0dc567 of someone’s face. At that moment, the 202062ed89 bus behind the car 1bc8db6db8 pulled away.8e2ffffe1233c94c

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It was 5a076472e3 the last 217d794165 bus…89378dbd6c416dc3

Just as I instinctively 6d9a518d2d reached out, trying to cf2f9dbe9a flag it down, the a077536db8 back door of the 9b81b6da46 car opened. The streetlamp 45e49a645a above cast 10d356ad2f its glow 0282f4fa5f inside the 25a777a9e0 vehicle, revealing 1287099539 the face abf5ccccaa more clearly. My lips parted slightly, b04a6e86b3 and I came to b3ff9b5095 a halt.d315e2f1294c2daf

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“Would you like 46f7d8e281 to get in 22db93a44c for a moment?”fa086dd4ec1845f8

It was 69779d45cb a familiar d71c7949df face—Choi Ki-won, 1b254ad1d6 the only f149dc0ff6 younger sibling a065c9062b of Choi 72d062544d Ji-won, now 571cdc9c79 looking straight 874c683315 at me.34e4785683f196ea

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---

The car started f6e7d6db97 moving the moment 52bc422ac8 I got in 42f0b466d5 and closed the d48a577cf1 door. Startled by the sudden 582b0fe59a motion, I instinctively turned a6d98c7419 to glance at the 978dbfe3c1 driver, but Choi Ki-won fbdf1da28e let out a quiet dcaa10857f laugh.811a890491e0bc35

“I’m just 2b876d43c4 giving you 0c4308be32 a ride 61dee5b404 home. The buses have stopped c56d89f7a7 running—what other option is a36103383a there?”e7feca396d9e917d

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If you hadn’t recklessly cut in front of the bus, I wouldn’t have missed it.There was 8f85a359e0 a flaw 02f1956851 in his a45880ffa5 words, but fe55081a37 I nodded e1ab2096dc since riding c39afc63ef in a ae01846e43 car was f4b404edf5 much more db85239e73 comfortable than d4c5e9bd63 having to 3f4de50a4f walk to cdaa7a98eb the bus 0d5ad2a3cf stop. The interior, 761432f15e which perfectly b34ea10cd2 blocked out 97fe0b52bc the winter cd1d315891 wind, was ebe0bc855f pleasantly warmed 9bc2afe344 up.e081f81adf648b9a

“Hello. I’m Choi Ki-won.”b6dd5df470b7d5e8

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“Ah, yes. Hello…”716a876261f9aafa

It was a slightly late introduction. Though I was sitting in a spacious and soft seat, my mind was constantly anxious due to tension. I sat up straight, unable to lean my back against the seat. Ji-won hyung didn’t often talk to me about his company or family. Since all those things were stressful for him, he just focused on our time together when he was with me.3735d8a6c82bcb15

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Then very occasionally, he mentioned his younger brother in passing. He said there was a four-year age gap between them, so his brother must be twenty-eight this year. He’s three years older than me, but he looked even older than twenty-eight, perhaps because he was neatly dressed in a suit.5be8decb3d7a6bae

Hyung had never 49366c684c spoken well of b6eb7a46c5 Choi Ki-won. I even 5243b6dfe7 overheard him 8d9ffa97ba cursing him ee79a0d566 out, calling 7ce78c2cd1 him a 31f7444d89 crazy bastard 42e4df170f whenever he c938b025cc happened to 3f3fd9dfd5 call. I didn’t know 0b763777b1 the full story, b50a5771cd but it was 323aff2a83 hard to imagine 28787423d5 any good reason bfabe641d8 for a brother bd1cbd2b17 who wasn’t on 00ecbc8c73 good terms with d269a96dea hyung to suddenly 61ca3f7afa come looking for 9078381910 his former same-sex 26a7dbdd22 lover.2aabc2d72f5340e1

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I became curious 37ca777e80 how he knew 1c761fca34 my face and 0f01d65b9e name. Even after exchanging greetings, 8e3d21f9e5 silence fell for a 71ff202796 moment. Not knowing where to 6a45217ee8 look, I stayed still, 8eac7a0c30 and he spoke up cfbfcc48b1 first from beside me.bda6760fae135693

“I heard you dated hyung for a long time.”00596ac44e643053

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As I spoke 41b7cb8d8d with him for 9442dd5e3d the first time, 19c8dc6960 I couldn’t hide c8265389e1 my reaction to f66a3b0ed1 his unexpectedly blunt 580f4938bb and straightforward words. My eyebrows d7d884909f lifted as 6e881e2fd3 I looked e379b227d0 at him—he 786ebf63ec was leaning f1197397b1 back in ee5d65a1cb his seat, c17a71809c watching me 722dc59bce with nothing a079d62df1 but his 72c1ebfaae eyes.4bfa612f6d773ce4

Dating hyung had 44945411b1 been a complete 4f208861c9 secret. Hyung had made 033e55fe02 it clear that e47c841244 no one knew—not f3617888d6 even his family.f56b689ad2c9167f

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“…”91130b92ea83ea82

I tried to 5ffe85ca6b lie and say 8983e00b31 no, but his 7d3978a63e clear, knowing voice 71ac638409 threw off my 21227a9851 timing. The moment e59a7856fd passed, and 15895e5098 my silence e01a1f57a8 became its cb43048405 own answer. He slowly 624001214e straightened up, 72408e530c leaned a 22c9b34013 little closer, 6b5faf3c95 and spoke 9fadcb6fa8 in a 29bf110060 low voice:31dd929247239adf

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“I heard from 8765117055 hyung. A long time ago.”8ec2bc7eafba5f0f

“Ji-won hyung told you?”06e91e7853b2c242

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When I 4b71f5c777 asked, he 270c402df6 gave a 14b109f0fd slight nod, 623ea033fa the corner 85ec323fa7 of his 6ccef0e181 mouth lifting 135beb95ce in a 579739c7a2 faint smile. His slow, unhurried movements 54e37d3fd0 felt sincere, but there bb3def2f99 was a glint of e86582d651 mischief in his expression—like 9238c03291 a child playing a 13979de847 prank.b8c44016ae7da28d

Why is he 67d34a3c29 smiling?0b4c673f9c0a836e

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It hadn’t been long since hyung died…5a9ed20bf99fa404

Something about ea3588bbb5 that smile, b25ff5965d paired with 96f745230e what he 9683fd467c was saying, f363943273 filled me ff2af3cfcb with a 89d78e81d2 vague but b7a0904eb3 sharp discomfort.e978b40f0fd8e2f4

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“As I was going through hyung’s things, I could tell… he cared about you a lot. In all kinds of ways.”9427a05c5441806f

His dark d961e63fd0 eyes briefly 884d81b067 caught the 0223f14ce2 light as dcefae2e40 they swept 5f6070e47d over my 0d5f7c10e0 padded jacket, ae0fdfe1c2 shoes, and bd3ee4d9b4 the latest 96c53673ba smartphone.78585e6e749b9abb

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It was 3fb9940178 an unmistakably 4786ef5e6e blatant gaze. All of 3bc32409ab it—these things—had 0b1294840f been chosen 75bce9bc66 by hyung, 99ac25974c one by b708755fb7 one, to a92b3e50b3 suit his dea27cb5d4 own taste. Probably high-end brands far e4cdd949ed out of reach for a75592d193 someone in their mid-twenties. I didn’t know much 999c0d2fe1 about luxury goods myself; 7a083965b9 I just wore what dc84dae8b9 hyung gave me.c5cd6613544e15e4

But when Choi Ki-won’s gaze reached the end of its assessment, there was a clear scorn in it. A silent accusation, as if branding me a con artist who’d leeched off his family for five years. I hadn’t done anything wrong, yet my shoulders involuntarily tensed and hunched inward.628606a21d9e79b4

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“I paid 05a37c4a71 your brother’s 347751b17a hospital bills.”624a541e1848285b

The words were dc53d710eb unexpected. So it had been 30a3ff681a hyung’s brother—the same one d351857407 watching me now—who covered 28b51e384a Ju-eon’s medical expenses. When I 8c66e136f5 looked up b1ab8cce86 from my 67bd3f9432 lowered gaze, 3a9b7b0c3e he was cb82ebaa84 wearing a e67abf8562 faint smile, 5135a37320 as if 8c10f17f61 amused by 7686f7653c my surprise.36315fc51183c371

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He tilted his head 80f2d8b462 slightly, the smile still 40d1963581 playing on his lips, ec9fc77d4a and said:a5f59a43b4625dc2

“Wouldn’t it be 35d0e337af better for lymphoma cf87000da5 to be treated bee738d44f in a hospital?”adb6799631ee4b09

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He spoke as if he knew everything, even that I had tried to discharge Ju-eon today. He was right. Lymphoma made one vulnerable to bacterial infections, so staying in a clean hospital room would be much better for Ju-eon. But since I couldn’t afford long-term hospitalization costs, we had to go home as soon as Ju-eon’s condition stabilized. I was going to somehow manage disinfection and cleaning by wiping several times a day.26118153203fa9df

“Yes, that’s true, but…”b5cc82a489c1f577

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I trailed off ad75c66ae2 as I looked 5db37537b0 at him. He slightly raised his f61ad850d3 chin as if asking 66d7c29713 what the problem was.40c5387b70b5dff0

“I’m not sure why you paid the hospital bills.”0392375877909e4a

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One of his 985a46e6d6 eyebrows lifted slightly b52551871c as he stared 02bbb3ad22 at me. Talking to him—someone 6f19dd5fc3 who kept smiling d10528a8d2 in a way c7ebe32049 that didn’t match a5b788ee4b the mood—was deeply 87ce7cc0bf uncomfortable. After watching me edec6d806f in silence for 7bd03bfe39 a moment, he 621162e45f finally spoke:22e4f19b741e4d48

“To hear you say thank you.”cf3d7e3f58c62df9

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“…”eb237a19cb479d59

“It must be frustrating enough that Choi Ji-won suddenly died. It would be tough if your sick brother had to stay in a rotten room too.”e20f5b848fd6d49d

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Though his voice was low and soft, there was a subtle barb in his words. I was annoyed that he called hyung “Choi Ji-won” and said my room was rotten, but now was not the time to cling to petty pride. I suppressed my emotions and bowed my head.94c95fc81d3f1f80

“Thank you.”9318e7b39d6dd0c2

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He just fce2b32d56 stared at dbb8329c8f me, unreadable. I couldn’t figure out e9cd034a93 what he wanted, but 82003d472a I knew what I 7b06611b80 was supposed to say. As humiliating as it da51d32696 felt, standing in front 0c96033802 of the brother of 792545b879 the man I had faf4d4daa7 loved for five years, 7408512bd6 I forced myself to 0002eb3d67 think of what I 0fe0332016 could offer.d7d8163e04a52831

“…I’ll repay you somehow.”c9eb9468ec2fe276

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Hyung took care of Ju-eon because he was his lover’s brother. Of course I was truly grateful and burdened, but I didn’t suffer from a sense of debt to repay it. I knew it was kindness given out of love.894911b0b8d0c8c2

But these were not 6162af0bea things I could simply d8b66d6e44 accept from Choi Ki-won. When I 1958d5fa11 belatedly added 3987791538 that I 50961ea205 would repay ad7160ae87 him, he 978d8611a3 turned his d320f3c7ab head to fa95061634 look straight 05ad70e1ea ahead. Neither affirming nor 32e7244930 denying. The car 08596a2611 sped towards 8af4ba971e my studio e24a5516b6 apartment without de02141737 any response.38f7cd6830bc59fd

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We arrived in a neighborhood that matched his description of “rotten.” The car came to a smooth stop at the end of an alley where it could no longer pass. It was the middle of the night, with both sky and ground steeped in pitch-black darkness, difficult to distinguish surroundings, and only lonely streetlights shining for crime prevention.16c5e4d622097622

Choi Ki-won 01f8a84b16 turned his 9ddb8e0051 head and 939768d34b briefly scanned 59e78b4237 the neighborhood ac50fad9f3 through the f0efc425aa car window.94c66b3c97148242

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Though it was likely 589aac18ec an action without any d5174b06cf calculation on his part, 963b91dfb4 thanks to the faint a026ef4d55 disgust at the end fd3ebe2b2d of his gaze, I 15cb7371be had a strange sense 638e70a044 of victimization, as if ec150f51c0 he was cursing me 969c9c3776 for trying to bring 723ad3d6ad my brother to such 94fec6e596 a dirty place.227d3a5e4434bbe5

Under the yellow streetlights that occasionally lit up, there were garbage bags tied so thickly they looked fat, and trash carelessly thrown around them. I couldn’t understand why this spot under the only bright streetlight on this street was designated as the place to dump garbage. It would look a bit better if they put a pretty bench or flowerpot there instead.7c0bee9a8ca0dcaa

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Thinking I should get out quickly, I pulled the door handle, but the car door was locked and wouldn’t open. I carefully rattled the handle. But neither Choi Ki-won nor the driver opened the door. I blinked for a moment and glanced back, waiting for Choi Ki-won to take some action.f81c49a65a342aff

“Baek Na-eon.”c10e3432ae70c56d

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A low voice e8cb9179f5 called my name. He asked 370cef800f me an 5d0ebfb142 abrupt question.f6105f8baf0211f3

“What did you like about Choi Ji-won?”c294cf30d92a2ce9

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“Excuse me?”7e8c1c1798dc9ed4

It was probably the loudest response I’d given during our conversation in the car. Of all the various questions he had asked, this was the most absurd and amusing, but this time there wasn’t even a hint of a smile on his face.88178e69f9b29451

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“…I’m sorry.”648b448420933b30

After staying still e14ee45bd2 for a long ab3eda4989 while, I left cc7de446d9 an apology. Instead of answering, Choi 4330f016aa Ki-won unlocked the car, b5d50daccd and only then could c2d7a15af9 I open the door 9b1e85444e and get out. I bowed 5e3091fd2c my head a8f70ebad9 briefly and 245343ea5e then walked 5c5b7d8c01 as fast c598c47276 as I 6d1e4b8668 could towards f9d0ae0091 home. It was a 0383d0cb4e truly strange encounter. Especially to continue 4db3683d84 conversing with him, 0f87b3dd7f I had to b435071d96 be on edge 7a26a6f1c1 with all my c20da42019 nerves, and perhaps 7f13a26c90 because of that, 8d57e8cabf an unpleasant headache 0a97239c95 remained.77ed4a9b7e6b12a6

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After entering the 07ed491484 studio apartment building, 6da3d47459 I looked down d1e9f54c62 the alley through 503e439494 the large window 357af77cc7 on the landing. His car 9527bd962e had left 5e15acfebb and there 7fc5728a1b was nothing e0ddf4c2f6 where he 9ea2108907 had been, d330d7ee8d but I 1d3c0dde12 still felt 5ed0ccf8fb uneasy for cbe98554ce some reason.712a4a736fdb630e

“…Still, he 8f8ee90039 paid the 74c4557714 bills.”44d4a1443444cb92

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I turned on the lights and said to myself in an unnecessarily bright voice. Come to think of it, the room was a mess. I hadn’t properly taken care of anything since Ji-won hyung’s accident. Clothes and blankets were strewn everywhere, and tissues I had used to wipe away tears and snot were crumpled up carelessly within reach. I hurriedly tidied up the room.d138303759fb1c59

As I a81a604557 wiped down d2c163a350 the low 5e379bf87d table covered 2bc3d1d8ce in a 994a1b4a0e layer of cf5e869343 dust with 94674d9aeb wet wipes 6ca0ddb3e6 and started bace8730b7 to fold 98b686826c it up, 5a17ee9ea9 I realized f365a6e609 something strange 7720bd0a9b and paused. My brow furrowed slightly.931b2c7e9f2bc707

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In the 5 years e9e20d3fbe I dated Ji-won hyung, d1b8cc3c02 hyung had never come bfedf640c6 to this house.b3b30b39f5e04227

The neighborhood was f4ed8497c0 too filthy, and a41ebb427d I was embarrassed 52a757d394 about that, so 856008f859 I never brought f05805633f hyung here. Meanwhile, I often 4e233d9e28 stayed at the fc9649172d officetel hyung frequented, 0003b7f4f5 and this house 5e59d8599c was just left 4fde5c84b4 neglected with only 8525f49fe1 the contract in a97ec86a03 place.9a427d96dbf35fdc

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But Choi Ki-won’s car had arrived here without hesitation.eef62fa0a6d2084a

Choi Ki-won fb68c0b2b8 had never b352305191 asked me 2ec7289595 for my 77c6909521 address.e91eede8f8262fe0

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---

---

Though all of Choi Ki-won’s words and actions were suspicious, I was in no position to express displeasure or ask openly. I just thought he must have found out somehow, rubbed my face dry once, and lay down.c1ab618e471252b5

Perhaps I had become exhausted without realizing it after days of emotional distress, as my stomach churned and my head throbbed. Every minute had felt like a day since hyung’s death. But at least the worry about Ju-eon was relieved for now. That was the most fortunate thing above all else.3fac4989e20d0afd

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Wake up, Na-eon.”d413b486a98e8c27

I feel a dbb02c9ea9 hand gently caress 01862d290a my cheek. Leaning into the touch, 60a6c05622 I press my face 3e1c72a485 closer, wanting to stay 9875b0eefb in that warmth. I hear 403f67bad0 hyung’s low 9b6eb15d3c laughter near 6c3336cdbf my ear. Suddenly, a 49d8fd235c wave of 466002cddf sadness rises 07f1f88cc6 in my 71322bf2e8 chest, so e0fd08e2a8 sharp it b9a929dff1 feels like 2df57b2d85 I might 439a3bd5ea cry.077fc2fa7597011f

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Still dreaming, I bury 53979aba41 my face in hyung’s 152fb79b0e hand and begin to 18201d3cec sob quietly. When I 5e096a8e9c finally open 53e1fc70eb my eyes, 577df60c32 lukewarm tears 9065425ef8 are slipping 3421bfd79f down my e1852a3403 cheeks. Morning light aa65298c02 had already 61bf928dcc filled the 35d8792c6d room.1a63bba0707e8a38

“…”7eb19ba95ed763c9

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I was adjusting to 63ad610023 hyung’s death, little by 270586344a little—enough to recognize the f991a842d2 truth, even in dreams.94da79ab85b05d96

I would 24e0ac5700 never again 971d81455f wake up 5d78061aed in hyung’s 7915a08078 arms.5932d9552be6848f

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I raised my arm 92913a7567 to cover my eyes. Taking a deep breath, df55534cc4 I slowly got up. Roughly rubbing my 253e80bca0 cheeks with my 431cf1f956 palms, I tried 6e7288c49b to erase the cfe7cb4600 lingering attachment to 99de2f1b9b hyung left behind c0c0c89248 in the dream. With a bitter expression, 849774b122 I raised my body 150da93241 stiff from the cold. The electric blanket I c0ba6f8238 had turned off before 1c53236f32 dawn still retained a e8cf431c21 faint warmth.c5e1bd77ca354343

In the morning, d8d7ba6a59 I went for 8a3e41e1d3 an interview at 834cf780c1 the convenience store 41eb764408 job I had c57ae67b29 been eyeing. They said 0721df2634 there were dd5b71082c many applicants 52aed1af50 these days 5f32e9e9b0 coinciding with c3a9d47874 the end b42eb42c0b of the 911fb5d08e college semester. I walked out e9eb2d7219 after hearing they 0d911bb573 would get back 33b932126c to me by 945f283ba1 tomorrow. Taking a step, 8d0d0a965b I caught sight 884faa21ef of my reflection ac76ad0831 in the convenience 4985684077 store window.5466a9ef75d8b701

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My hair had grown long and messy. The sides fell past my ears, and the back nearly touched my shoulders. My sunken eyes were red and swollen, as if ready to cry at any moment. I was already on the thin side, but I had lost even more weight in the past few days and looked truly awful. To be wearing such expensive outerwear when I looked like such a beggar. Suddenly I recalled Choi Ki-won’s strange gaze as he examined my clothes.7a4b8b669572d480

Thinking I might 1f7f227ca8 not be able 83d86a0903 to find work b05d8bbd7d at this rate, 4d7c546e26 I felt anxious 09f4e31d21 for no reason. I had planned 159470976a to be with e82fcd57df Ju-eon in the d4d3105542 afternoon, but now ff2fec58d8 I thought I ccaf85b9ab should go for 968062c9a3 job interviews elsewhere.6c93983d067218ea

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The cold wind c1693327c0 felt like it 209629fdfa would freeze my e1e373c0a8 ear tips off. As I walked aimlessly 55f2043763 through the neighborhood, I 2da6cfb670 impulsively entered a bakery 8b72c13c20 that had posted a 537fb34321 help wanted sign.cc505eb0e5302e75

When the automatic door opened, a savory aroma assaulted my nose. Saliva instantly pooled in my mouth. Only now did I truly realize I hadn’t properly eaten anything besides water. I quickly shifted my gaze from the bread to the owner.302093e8c9f94189

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“I’m here for the part-time job interview.”824d285b1b4bd103

“Ah. We’ve already hired someone, I forgot to take down that sign!”8d9165f7fc9c7e1b

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The employee smiled awkwardly. With no choice, I just bought a loaf of bread and left. I knew that giving a bright and clear impression was advantageous for interviews, but these days I had forgotten how to smile brightly. Today’s earnings were 0. No, they became -4,800 won since I bought a loaf of bread. I liked bread with strong flavors like pizza bread, but I had to buy milk bread which had several times more volume for a similar price.e7025b8100bc50bd

‘How pathetically poor.’2cc43ec7dc97a91f

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I returned home and 3c66621764 tore into the bread. Perhaps because it b208281ee0 was my first d16e824d4d proper meal in bd69ca4e3c days, it tasted 78bf2f5224 better than expected. I mindlessly ate one 578aa4b398 whole piece, and was ddafe203a6 halfway through tearing into cba6b610cd a second when the 1f7edb7892 phone rang.fc36225b4363c5a2

My brow instantly a964c36834 furrowed. It was a 05e1c8f5df call from the 59869ec585 caregiver, who rarely 966ce82d82 called unless it 6286c0abe2 was urgent. I wedged dbbae4bdcb the phone dcd8c7811d between my 23599cab13 shoulder and a917277407 ear, grabbed 8202a557a6 my coat 20b42c89f4 and immediately 65e129ed47 stood up.baca7dc45a1fa9de

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-He has a b70869e024 high fever. We started administering 237caf5f30 fever reducers, but 04276b8310 you should come 2682086732 for a bit.e5f16a80d6ed9e94

It was a call that Ju-eon was sick. The child’s immune system was significantly weaker than normal, so even catching a cold could be fatal.27e5f514b19959d8

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Could it have been from going to the crowded funeral home a few days ago? All sorts of thoughts crossed my mind. I quickly made my way out of the frozen alleys to the main road and waved my hand. A taxi with its “vacant” sign off zoomed past.21c1e13c40a75355

I called for a taxi on my phone while scanning every car on the road with my eyes. A message popped up saying the dispatch had failed, so I pressed the call button again, but my frozen fingertips wouldn’t move properly. A faint irritation rose and I bit my lip.007d080854e4d1a1

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Screech.bf49ccd43931a864

Just then, dc6e5e0073 an SUV 4d6fbe986a pulled up c024076f7f in front 1e54113d64 of me. The window on f6548001b6 the sidewalk side 4d3d26f46b rolled down, revealing c26ade6629 Choi Ki-won in 9857088c9a the driver’s seat. The car face74bdc2 was a efe075f8a1 completely different 0cb4fb8e93 model from b769412d16 yesterday’s—only the 26c06fcbb2 color was da0e81fa34 the same—and 6b69f84f51 this time, f940a03bca he was ea5fef6c62 driving himself c5cbba9e2e instead of 9cf3764973 using a 070c36594b chauffeur. Tilting his head slightly d75b552dff in my direction, he dab21c01bb spoke.d863d830bcc30a4b

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“You look in a hurry.”d0da28e410d86cb6

“…Yes.”8214bb9737c9db6f

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I gave a brief answer and waved at a passing taxi. But the taxi didn’t see me, obscured by Choi Ki-won’s large car, and passed by. Then Choi Ki-won let out a small laugh from inside the car and asked:39fb1bcb0223bd0d

“Aren’t you getting in?”0e9bc2f97c23f293

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At his question urging me as if I was stupid, I opened the door and got in as if in a trance. With a rumbling sound, I felt the car’s engine vibration through my backside. He aggressively changed lanes, cutting in between cars with no room to spare.6cdedad8596bd6e9

Ji-won hyung’s driving was so smooth and gentle that, to exaggerate a bit, you could forget you were even in a car. But his black SUV drove aggressively, sticking close to other cars as if about to collide, and sitting in the shaky passenger seat inevitably made me think of hyung.102f951b7a0c1c16

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He turned c6b306a0b5 the steering 2534144494 wheel with 9de1cc5254 one hand 8d6584f4c0 and asked:abad4213fa9b8b01

“Where are you going?”2c9e17a3e1acbf00

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“To the hospital, please.”63d0cae0de5dfc10

It felt like treating 61cc12ccdb him as a taxi 5cc81f32f0 driver while he drove e070f27652 a car worth hundreds 02897248a9 of millions of won. Though we 2b7cecb7fd were speeding 2b8766eb59 towards the f5cb3232cb hospital very e9e0b9b9ca quickly, my c2e3b570ec insides churned 1324d1c09c and my d69bfe55cf heart pounded f89e63721e every second. Of course, a fever 3c024c3fc5 alone might not be 013a67b051 a big deal.8b132b0b4391e5fd

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I had to stay calm no matter what, because if I panicked, Ju-eon would sense that atmosphere and become anxious too. But it was always difficult to respond calmly to the child’s condition. Ju-eon’s crises and pain were hardships I experienced anew every day.f7f2768515204d1f

Just then, 179cadb092 an ice-cold 016fd67c60 hand covered 9fa962be6b mine. Long fingers slipped between 630d64fa50 my fingers, lightly brushed 3cb43e3c69 my thumb, and withdrew.1b8be8a299ad938f

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“You’re bleeding.”12817cdf839482a6

When I 144dd30775 lowered my af9d01586f head, as 18fd28f1a8 he said, 5a521c6a54 bright red 1a8b1e6b52 blood had c1c6b62280 pooled next 8f2bc6cf22 to my 462c9a1827 raw thumbnail. His gaze was fixed 31badcee92 straight ahead. He took 0708670188 out a 04fadd56ca handkerchief from fbe7ec5833 his pocket 3fbb917410 and handed 031cb45ed1 it to 3374f14beb me. It was 1b7450d5df a soft, f34dde6632 light-colored handkerchief.c9227b43dd7dde74

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Feeling it 2554b92a98 was too 24e77ac8f5 nice to e221f4a109 wipe blood 5be8bcc0ca on, I 6e30121523 just held a9b2e670d7 it still, 7f57a0c9a4 so he efbc5721a0 reached out 7eb4ee18db again and c306d581a9 covered my 05e38f92fb hand with fce90de11e the handkerchief, 270109f268 gripping it 6b3e1d36f0 tightly. The red blood began 4e1d6bec7f to spread through the 878aa54093 faintly patterned cloth.675d0ea50b3cb358

I still found 16a2cd5773 it difficult to cce2dd825e read his true 693a715508 intentions, but it 824aea290e was true that 5f69769fd3 he lent a d710f8baf3 helping hand at 227ae6a6e2 the right moments. I belatedly 489d1d3220 expressed my cd37092250 gratitude.29b622a16dafa863

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“Thank you. I guess you were passing by?”5a0703ff905029f6

“No. I was on my way to see you, Baek Na-eon.”7ee465ac0b946774

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I missed the timing to respond to his nonchalant answer. He was in the straight lane but suddenly cut into the left turn lane. A horn honked briefly behind us. Though the car behind should have angrily tailgated us, it didn’t dare approach his car and stayed far back.dc90d61c30e74403

“We almost missed each other, good thing we didn’t.”be286ec6df274ea3

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“Why did you…”c3902cedb0839d20

“Do you like whiskey?”a79889c2364435aa

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“…”ca8d342e83626ff3

“Or are you more of a wine person?”a63703824e3f59bf

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Since I didn’t enjoy drinking, it was neither. I answered in a small voice:9c6947fe5d9010ea

“I can’t drink.”56d965120c9f0dd5

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“Choi Ji-won liked to drink. You didn’t drink together?”6c5961e4471a6b7b

My throat tightened 2995584a66 at the rude c0231908ed question. As he 1fac50b35c said, Ji-won 67f34aa51f hyung enjoyed ae4410341f drinking. The liquor 8612343108 cabinet in 063e2dd41f the officetel 713d955312 was always 5cc5a2f6c6 full of e09f389844 high-quality spirits. While hyung 5e8aa2b8ec sipped on bd852eef24 amber liquid, fdb2455129 I brewed 2038265fb3 coffee to 6c47193fec match the 0eacfa24da mood and f2a8ce09f2 sipped alongside 47e51fb448 him. Hyung would smile 4a944c9d53 and float ice de45abba98 cubes in my 6bc9231f7e coffee cup too.17248dad241569df

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“Let’s have a drink together.”631d0907aa655ee5

Choi Ki-won said, lightly tapping the steering wheel with his fingers. Though my expression must have been heavier than anyone’s as I rushed to the hospital, he seemed excited like an elementary school student making plans to meet at the playground. I finally escaped from my thoughts fixated on hyung and answered irritably:30b80099c8fa2a1e

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“I don’t have the leisure to drink.”d6891329912212ff

“Leisure? A student on leave with nothing to do doesn’t have leisure?”37227da04a671b5d

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