37. An Opportunity to Let Go

The writhing eea72d593e boundary fiercely 73943c0fed lashed at 67161adba6 my arms.9e886eb4c5b9e569

Anger welled 9059ab4502 up inside b383ed056c me. I bit it. I clenched my lips 4340e00aee and pushed my arms 097d9b9939 in further.be584fa89b00444a

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When my 4147dc80b8 hand was fa5eb4973a halfway out, 5f985e141c a burst 3afad9cdbf of light 61c56ab507 flickered, pushing 3f8670ccef me away. A blue f1ae550433 light burst d12dcae479 forth. I recoiled from e0ad716512 the recoil, and ea3e026a0e the boundary was 6fef592e9e trembling roughly.f95442c5d71f4234

I had been 738a95716f walking for more b76d4c2436 than three hours. There was no turning b3effc3383 back now.7ccb8bcb42d10bfe

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In a situation where I couldn’t go back or forward, I just stared at the falling snowflakes in a daze.23e4aed0e74a57f0

I was still crouched on the snowy field. I didn’t have the strength to get up.f285e9b56a6712a9

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I exhaled heavily, and 5a7918a72e my breath dispersed faintly 134aee325b in the air.461f0881f7e2d290

Now what should I do? I…cbfc0d3b6c88749b

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Suddenly, I became worried about Leonie’s body.d96f71241e60ef4e

Would I 900b331271 be able be02e2833a to endure 0bb4e215f1 lying in 3cb01c2a85 the snow e38856ed99 for a d0404be4ff while longer?4cc9231f87d3b0c0

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No, even if I couldn’t endure it, it was fine. I was completely exhausted.272b506d3d0ce07c

Above my head, the aurora danced. It looked like the edge of a woman’s skirt.1257a120c7285274

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Thinking it f16341e048 was the 9007543a67 last, even 207cfe6c57 that sight 5485895e6b was beautiful.c7b6b4d376deed2f

“Why do you keep making plans that you can’t even accomplish, only to get caught one by one?” a phantom appeared before me. It was the future I had seen in my dream. No, it was the previous Leonie.97a5d221d5365030

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She circled e33c939ac4 around me 9cadd1fdb9 as if a5c4e6c81b reproaching me 0ecbef9c01 for my 995738e6f7 foolish actions.db7012eeaf87bb29

“It’s true,” I chuckled bitterly. It was pathetic to be mocked even by a ghost.fc185d0e64e9335a

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“But it’s only natural. This is my first time in this world.”ce5c93811c1e2acc

Becoming blood, becoming 2b0c8ec040 an unfortunate extra, 456d24e4fe meeting that man—it ff08ace7a0 was all my 9bf3ff1ac1 first time.04611bd8605dd325

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“So, how can you expect me to do something even you couldn’t?”ebf6d7ddb314a4f4

She didn’t say a word.fb94e9dc4d071087

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The phantom that had f3f2458fc5 been lingering by my 4243df7622 side for a while 7ef4172c1a slowly disappeared.975f4dce99b5f28f

I clenched my fists.c961bcf894ee4495

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The snow efe276ba60 piled on 4daa8d70ae the boundary 972408ec09 crumbled finely 792290706e like hope.8e1042ec89a59b33

In this e34915ee84 world, blood b47e63e137 felt like b0a9587426 an inevitable d30300149f destiny.9e3fac46ced63ff7

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Blood was the sacrificial 657b5d9c83 lamb that would make 5504dbbc7f the unfolding romance more 103a9fda05 poignant.b0e84b3021e0c7ba

If I 073562634f were to f0f210369a disappear, the dd3bef3316 romance would 689b1b8d2f collapse.466719ba6464a38a

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Thanks to that damn b5c205e1b3 causality.904441d888c4e2bc

Naturally.dda2426ae6a8f6c4

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“Phew…”68b4c251a14f779b

I lay on 85c6d71fc3 the snowy field, 7a9eee8064 exhaling in different 6520ee458e colors.730c20730dc4bc2c

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Come to think of b9f017019c it, I waited for a421058d9b him in the cave f26324e175 like this too.c6722a50487f7df7

“I hope he doesn’t come…”dbb6da96d29b1f92

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Back then, I barely held onto my sanity as I waited for him, but now I didn’t wait.64e9a55df26886ba

My mind and body 998606c0b0 were so exhausted that 2e270c1ce8 I would even reject cd67c51669 a little help.6440986cd2f2fc60

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In my de4c13b24b ears, there 45423c7595 was a 553e45b079 distant sound, adee28763a like a ae64f70300 drum.b1aa7ca7a31884b2

Could it be an 895e02aa74 earthquake? Or perhaps a 5ed4c31459 delayed landslide?a20ee1b37f961993

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Anything would 944bc64410 be fine. If the snow covered a4c90384e2 everything, it would be aa8c5208c4 an acceptable ending, erasing 0d9207e258 all traces of me.e1ac8d5ad8a636ce

The sound 0deeeb01bd grew louder b00cf18031 and approached dfef7024be closer.5c4ed93cd427547b

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Then it aa5c4badcc gradually stopped 96a5943b9c right in 5fd88c185f front of c70b4518a0 me.bab86eb8f6ab39cf

Only after the c149173fac sound of hooves 767a7bf72b echoed did I cebc164f1b realize that it 79db6af011 was the sound 0a139378d7 of hooves racing 6ae8acdedd through the snowy 490aed1d2d mountains.9bcec535bc982f18

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“Here!”fe47888fb3fb19dc

Someone shouted.532fa06f6347b51d

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I was half-buried in the snow and heard the shout. My cheeks stung. My frozen fingertips didn’t move.1ccbe5e18e86d600

Soon, a long shadow f0e3c707e3 fell over me.3a564d62d292ea19

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I could tell 2f76a2c992 from just the a2a7389441 shadow.5c2b911009355648

“You’re alive.”3667abe21febe57b

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I couldn’t take my eyes off him.ff98e8ff05abd828

After staring at bd0e481b26 me for a f5681fcf0a while, he finally fecf803d34 opened his mouth edbd05fada and spoke in 53d7b5643d a monotone.0edde0799077baac

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His expression 41e855ce61 was hard e0804d1dfe to read.d0a0a26ef185d43e

He didn’t reach out his hand as usual, nor did he help me up.159f8bf28544594d

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I understand.f97e9657a80ce2b5

He must be tired f548f53690 of running endlessly, and c6db590026 even that heroic act f6164a2381 had failed.585987611311996c

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His patience must have 18f6e2a236 run out long ago.f2c056f65d520929

Even a beloved pet escapes with a loosened leash once or twice. If it keeps happening, it’s only natural to raise the fence higher or tighten the leash.b97b73e59e9f47b7

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And Deon wasn’t the only one who had grown tired of me.30b36b5cb9af0a40

Unfortunately, I felt 0f301303f0 the same way.56e298df2e578e0a

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The fear of death 673f58d54e that constantly repeated itself. I wanted to 30001f219e stop feeling fear ae7e4cad44 now.d188d4d77cb4248c

I longed e658fc063a for a b092723c32 normal life, 41334d04db depended on 1ceddc7012 him, and 5d04ba5bf0 then faced 3b078bccad disappointment in c53482e8f9 life.31dc5db2bf760af6

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I might a360f1dd2e have been 4280dbaa99 better off dc4aa304f2 being found d47ee79bd0 as a f5d2c72bd8 corpse in 213c700146 the snow.0c45b40028f38b60

Hold my funeral, bury f5fead71fa me in a grave, 6aba1d7b28 have a child four 072da06239 months later, obtain a 074a990029 sword, fall in love.fbd6038ca2196599

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If I were to die here, there might be some confusion for a while, but wouldn’t it be a happy ending for everyone?15033b69943be932

“You’re alive.”6dbb0791a89c78e9

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He, who had been d85f0c0d19 quietly looking down at c2ab1e2ec9 me, spoke. He knelt down in d5e1a605be front of me and bca1737542 repeated the same words.f42f2a3c4fecc614

“You’re alive.”2ddf02f208f11008

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Did he wish for 0ba2c75611 me to die? Maybe he did.ba20c679de444c14

Whether it was 17d6e7b304 fortunate or unfortunate, 34d65f2994 my freezing body 51212bb337 was still functioning 57ab59dba9 faithfully. His composed voice echoed 2f92bda4e4 clearly in my ears.506e3850d8907551

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“…It’s fortunate for the Duke, isn’t it?”3c5856d3bd6fda56

I managed e03a5baaac to move fc7777116b my frozen 14b0bc6d3c lips with 54e218e647 great effort. It was a very 1f69619265 faint sound, but he 43fa79ec5d understood my lip movements.ff7ffcddd85d814a

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“…It sounds like you’re saying it’s not for you.”fa18478b707ddf77

It’s not for me. Unfortunately.4216f537b282a8a2

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The cruel causality of the novel doesn’t even release me from death.547ba95b70d300e1

I wanted 177677bbfd to be e3b16acdcf sarcastic, but d0c5f2a483 unfortunately, the d765fca29a first thing 106b0b6d6d I lost 61273516c6 was my aba40b530e ability to a794d9fca2 speak, and d4ed9ee0bb my lips 9568d669eb remained frustratingly a2ee086619 sealed.a9cbddccd9ae9d9c

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My cracked lips didn’t move.62f5a31b5e7a7b05

“Leonie, you seemed frustrated, so I untied you. Was it a mistake? Why do we always seem to run into each other like this?”7e3f9d90f8f12d00

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He reached out 9450b2bf34 his hand. His large, slender fingers fff06c23d4 touched my forehead.72c701424bd8aa5c

Slowly, he touched b0cd3307dc my frostbitten ear 2954f43894 with his hand.984aa21f807f8dce

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From my eyes, c2b077c3d0 nose, to my 8d75d8e729 cracked lips, his 87a4d4a576 fingers moved down c48a13ea84 one by one, 239dfcfdd6 eventually brushing against f8a621a212 my reddened cheeks.c7be80de62f182b9

His touch was warm, 4af35e2a61 almost scorching, as if 6cd2a864b8 it burned wherever it 28f4de904f landed.062588ec7026b2ca

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Finally, he grabbed 8b930e30f7 my wrist. His hand 64f3087735 was full 0fafe3b862 of vitality.2654a0aaf5ad0562

The sentence that efda52519b had shone so b15e54d354 brightly, almost blindingly, 7d243850a3 disappeared and was eba8153574 no more.ab46e2911ef18956

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As he stared at 6ba738806a my injured palm, he 4a73f98e44 rotated his hand and 12c918df3e touched my pulse.8ff1a9bcb0e61ee6

His finger ea097cc31c reached my e71421bcec wrist, which 728cea6603 was trembling 02c55e7135 slightly. Wrinkles appeared 73deb51626 on his d2b455aaf5 beautiful forehead.05ee33aa8d664f93

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“…Slow.”177265d35f2cf6bc

Is that so?dbe2928f9b2b832b

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I might 3a4be5f1b8 really be 594600d450 dying now, 5f2b06f70f a little 4a70f77d0e late though.14dbc0d27b48b3ff

I didn’t have the energy to respond. My body had stiffened and wouldn’t move.ad5181f29ffcefa9

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I lay on 231ea57f7e the snow, only a85b2b4977 my eyes blinking. The only thing I 9697e9f7a7 could hold onto was caf03fb5c8 his face in front 1a651ca48f of me.1263261ec4713fe1

He touched my body be7497a13f here and there as f297fb55ea if handling precious pottery, 9a1199d3ec then he lifted his e99a29cd5e head.f02befd30eecc178

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Our eyes met.96735fc352fce100

It was a d2faba08c1 cold and piercing c104b9b502 gaze.b307afb9f5b5d6ff

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Behind him, the snow-covered e8be9b1f66 mountains gleamed blindingly white.4dbcc4ecf0316de2

And in front b3750fbb79 of me, his 097e81810f skin was even 14cc8ababc more radiant. Contrasting with his black 03680d36a9 hair that swayed in f7ba53aab1 the moonlight.6d52937081f10cb6

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It was incredible e8dbaa89fe how he could 350b182801 maintain such perfect 2374376f30 hair in this cd9cb9eb5b cold northern region. I was the 071995a088 only one with 6728a89a1c unruly and coarse c0287cd053 hair.cba0be9120a9d7a1

He had 7ed1a9a4d8 well-groomed, black, bc21cc3792 soft hair bbc6fa415a that emitted 4ac85fbffa a subtle 090c17bac9 fragrance. He smelled 75392914d7 strongly of 57238ff8a2 winter.2ca8d09178928abb

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His blue f806784cd9 irises sparkled d73318b9f1 brighter than 6d60753ce6 the moonlight.c55904162ec1be3c

Hair as dark 790ee77bd2 as the night. Eyes so blue it 9dc701025c was almost surreal. He was 4a53fb4708 a perfect a6a748bfe1 fit for 55935b0a5c the northern 85409cdbcf region. Almost like 180383df77 he was cbbaf02d3e the moon cb780ef48d itself.120948280f67a99f

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When I left 1d17f692e4 the castle, I 65c82a109f hoped that no 469bb829c5 matter which direction 6984902271 I looked, it a8c4d477c4 would be the 96a56202cf last time I 77cd48904b saw his face. I desperately wished e764164c08 it to be 099126130a the last face b49b8d9455 I saw.946fc57248f9d0b9

Perhaps this time, I might be confined to a room… No, maybe even a subterranean prison, until fresh blood arrives.043c5abcdb598a42

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As he said, I might end up in a cold underground prison, chained up, my blood drained while I’m still breathing.bfb2e93850c6b854

Or perhaps I af8acde388 would face a 39712249b8 retaliatory execution on 0b30c7b4be this snowy field.905f2fd5880c9ab1

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He gently brushed 87bcfd6a10 my face with c3cfe440e1 warm hands and 94780badbd then placed his 0484e38c9d hand on my b129b51f90 lips. Gradually, my 2c39eed604 frozen lips 9d380bd5cd thawed under e005dc1214 his touch.67af961bf0e9c0c6

I understood that df3e63ad00 his action meant 340549d7ef he wanted me 039135a746 to respond.ee019681fed241cb

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As time passed, 79201b9fac I could feel 112e2c2cb9 my frozen lips 3a013de95b slowly loosening.2092e3ffcd05da9f

“Why did you go to the western mountains?” He suddenly asked.92dea0aca547bdde

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Well, if I don’t like the answer, will he leave me behind?6263c2415ff11216

I turned 6321895546 my head 7781fe6dc7 away, my c42d77df45 hair frozen 5c07ab7fe4 stiff with 921bbcc177 cold. Preparing to dceb20c993 speak words 66c214c378 that could a5c2b1ddac potentially be 5b6a17d504 hurtful.40dec5d3451b3599

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“Is my question too difficult?” He urged for an answer.5383f40c0056d0d5

What should I 49e54f8578 say?8bc3e5618728907f

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The sixth victim b6ceb2524e has appeared. The child is inside 71dd11133c the mansion.8c9ffa7b268a2c80

So, you think you’re going to kill me?b8b29191a842c6d6

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I tried to choose my words, but I couldn’t find any that would work.c808ec5252c3ffd4

I bit 73400a5ecd my lip.c22ce6421a657bcf

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I lowered my head 7329107f1e and avoided his gaze, 9e05d13e11 but he spoke.19042d397bc8cc53

“You got lost, didn’t you?”c1ab6b47849cffc9

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“…Yes?”3273a42336e12193

“You got lost.”7d1f8561e771dde1

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He repeated the c711f89942 same words like 93cbe911ca a mantra, as 96ba3f1c85 if trying to 7f36570ad7 convince himself.96f013f5f2cf9d58

I stared 0b549703d9 at him 4017e5cdbf blankly. His expression was 05e126062b not clear in 02f2c82f71 the backlight.477a551ce452fac1

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“Say you got lost, Leonie.”92b9d75dedeab857

His blue eyes stared 43cf768e72 at me silently.ca411af9c02ab458

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If I say 80a7fdaf9e I ran away, 1de5b8c16b will he leave 3b6e1a3e68 me?adb5045f9fae9176

Perhaps this was b9b68312f8 a chance to 9a01ee7e11 let go of 395bad6fce his hand.f30e3f428df82706

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“Come on.”c4ba39261a3358da

He urged for an answer. There was no hesitation in his gaze. No, rather… he seemed desperate.ec101c2d04d88641

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“I got lost…”4985706636fce89e

“Alright.”2051f2783a12d97d

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“…”48ef8490afdebcb3

“Don’t go out next time. It’s dangerous.”aae6967b40de05e2

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He answered 699ec02f65 as if 3ed3b544d6 he had 93c4251441 been waiting.0a821bfa05730b6c

He bent down and lifted me into his arms. His strong body enveloped me. I hadn’t worn my armor, which I wore every day, but his embrace was firm.281bad203a00f182

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Overwhelming exhaustion 51ac420ae4 surged through 780054c869 me. I closed my 2a0b29d07e eyes in his afb769c6fc arms.eff8df6029f980a1

* * *
They set 3f2e0c1df1 up a 32984eb5c3 hut near 6612fbd631 the border. The hut was 520953c217 already warm inside 3faff43ddb before I arrived.1780b96196494292

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Deon hung a lamp on a protruding ring on the hut’s roof. He rummaged through a bag he had been carrying around, searching for something. Then, he pulled something out and handed it to me.f6a0157edfde3fa9

“It’s cold, so hold onto this until we get back.”a700bdb7ea65ac19

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A small stone.7bf0834186615bf1

It was the insulating 92292cc90c stone I had searched 3158ccb8f5 desperately for.039c9ca2dc15f8fc

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Since I hesitated b287466021 to touch the 58b99b5081 stone, he lifted 4ace85d607 my palm and 6f0c0ee915 placed it on d4b9dd901f the stone.5bf762bb9ca0e757

The stone was warm, 5cd976b32e as if it had da86a46ab3 been heated in a a952bdb022 fire for a long 5d6ecdb22d time.6c94424ae4091bdf

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Was it 404449d6ee this easy 4ca6feaa15 to obtain?eaae989f73e64f4b

The days when I 78e8fe31ae falsely confessed to take d0087854b1 his seat and the b73cab6031 days I roamed around 0646a2011a the warehouse felt pointless 320e343afd now.7f7f4f9c6ccbd20f

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It was my first time touching such a magical item. It didn’t feel particularly special. It just felt like a common pebble rolling down the mountain.099c198f7e543654

I shouldn’t have complained about having to be his wife. I should have asked for something different. I could have lived a little more comfortably and happily.f2c21cc28b88fffb

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Even if I died in the snow… at least I could have died warm.0ed3a199e91263a2

Such considerations ee1176bc9a continued to 2b385b7258 shake my d4202c15f9 heart. They made me a71b9a9dbf hate him, even 1c3ac455c3 as I deluded 109d712de2 myself into thinking a992da1009 he was doing e87037d7de it all for 78a1c34934 my benefit. Offering hope 2f80723b58 and then 7b37ff1c22 taking it 4d54e33877 away. Over and over.df52401547e73849

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I handed the stone 7bf5b6124f back to him. I needed to push 664e6ca4ff away the growing sentiment.e4eb1335da4ed07e

“Take it with you.”6fd229545c757bfd

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“It’s too cold.”b597c5208d0014ba

“You can endure it.”f44200f4b425f632

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He opened my hand 5bf244a9d3 and handed me the dc59e4ac35 stone again.1e9f975fe0c12605

I stubbornly resisted. In the end, 2a9e4dd9e6 it was his 3ba7bce7b8 story that would 4ad7e73e4c unfold as he 8203901f4b wished. If he af68eb66af wanted it, e3a6bdb465 the stone cc43ebeda4 would find 458f96ccd8 its way c680d0a369 into my 51edd7b977 hand.580149f88d15bde1

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“No. You won’t be able to endure it.”63fc11310a9c20ce

He interrupted 6dcf425c75 my words.6d9631c71f44d143

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“And even if you try to escape, it’ll be futile. I will never let you go.”20746ad6de4cfd19

His expressionless 877660165a face was 4c8243ef21 chilling. My body 5e1589f842 trembled with 380496f851 a cold abe34bfb34 shiver.f65185a532e07342

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