PEN Vol 3 Ch. 17

Reflection 1 Part 1

 

A faint breath tickled his ears. Sejin, who woke up to the ticklish sensation had his hair stand on end. He quietly opened his eyes. He couldn’t see anything. It was as if he were trapped in darkness. However, unlike the unfamiliar feeling of confinement, the air surrounding him was extremely comfortable.

Someone was holding him. The scent that drifted to the tip of his nose was somehow familiar. 

Could it be Cheon Sejoo? 

With a pounding heart, Sejin raised his head. It was the moment he was about to confirm that it was indeed the man embracing him, a soothing voice whispered,

“It’s okay….”

It was a terribly gentle voice. Along with it, the arm draped across Sejin’s waist stirred slightly.

Cheon Sejoo was extending his hand and gently massaging Sejin’s curled-up knees.

With his touch, the aching pain in Sejin’s joints gradually subsided. Every time Cheon Sejoo’s cool palm touched his skin, Sejin felt the growing pains fade away. But while he was finding comfort in his pain-relieving touch, Sejin also felt a hot flush spreading throughout his body, as if a fire had been lit somewhere inside him.

Was it lingering fever? Or was it a heat stemming from his heart? In his hazy consciousness, Sejin thought the warmth wasn’t so bad. The hotter it became, the further away he felt from the pain.

“It’ll  be okay soon….”

Hearing the soothing voice, Sejin struggled to lift his head. Pale skin, faintly shimmering in the moonlight, appeared before his eyes. His gaze slid over Cheon Sejoo’s lips and chin, down to the nape of his neck.

Two small moles were visible on the pale, slender neckline, asserting their presence. Naturally, the day he first became aware of those cute little moles came to mind. The day he helped Cheon Sejoo change his clothes. The day he saw his peaceful, sleeping face.

That day, Sejin wanted to kiss them. He wanted to taste Cheon Sejoo’s skin, making it undeniable. At the time, he thought he was crazy, but perhaps the feelings he harbored were already nestled in his heart even then.

A long silence flowed. The moment Cheon Sejoo, deep in sleep, exhaled faintly, Sejin squeezed his eyes shut. Pressing his body close to him, he carefully placed his dry lips on the soft skin. A wave of ecstasy spread through his body at the shy contact. His heart pounded.

Sejin soon stretched out his arms and embraced the man. The warm hug brought him indescribable comfort. Cheon Sejoo’s embrace was complete, and within it, Sejin felt more at peace than ever before.

He had never felt this way in his life. At the thought that Cheon Sejoo was the only one who had given him such dazzling sensations, he belatedly understood.

Cheon Sejoo, I think I really like you….

It was a realization.

* * *

Sejin placed sixth in the final exams. Since he had no foundation whatsoever, it was difficult to surpass his classmates who had been studying, even a little. Still, the kids who just guessed their answers were no longer ahead of Sejin. Even if they were blessed by the so-called god of guessing, it was no longer easy for them to surpass Sejin’s ranking, as he now knew the material and answered correctly.

Nevertheless, Sejin was not satisfied. In class 3-1, there were only six students, including Sejin, who actually studied. The remaining 14 were praised by their homeroom teacher just for showing up, so they couldn’t even be considered Sejin’s competitors.

So, technically, Sejin was still last. Among the students who could be considered actual human, excluding the ape-like dummies, Sejin was 6th out of 6, in other words, the last place. That’s why Kwon Sejin was burning with fighting spirit these days. With the thought of beating at least one person before graduation, he was devoting himself to his studies day and night.

Early one morning in July, as summer vacation began, Cheon Sejoo, returning from his workout, quietly smiled at the sight of Sejin memorizing vocabulary words while eating breakfast. The kid, who used to not even know his multiplication tables and treated school like a cafeteria and only coming for meals, was now acting like a proper person, which was truly heartwarming.

Of course, his mock exam scores were disastrous enough to make him sigh, but Cheon Sejoo was still satisfied. He was happy that Sejin, who had tried not to think about the future at all, was gradually changing. Watching Sejin like this made him feel a tingling sensation deep in his chest.

“Want me to make a quiz for you?”

Cheon Sejoo, sitting across from Sejin, picked up the protein shake he had prepared and asked. At the question, Sejin, chewing his food thoroughly, lifted his head. His sullen gaze scanned Cheon Sejoo’s appearance and stopped at one spot.

“…….”

Sejin was staring at his neck, where Doyoon’s marks still remained. Realizing that Sejin was looking disapprovingly at the red marks, Cheon Sejoo’s eyebrows twitched and covered his neck with his empty hand.

It had been several days since the rainy season ended. Since Doyoon was so busy, Cheon Sejoo had spent most of the rainy season drunk. On the last day of rain, he had finally managed to meet Doyoon and spend some time together. Since it had been so long since they’d seen each other, both he and Doyoon were more excited than usual. As a result, Cheon Sejoo’s neck was currently a mess.

It’s a bit much to show a kid, though…. Cheon Sejoo coughed awkwardly and opened his mouth.

“When you become an adult….”

“You’re not even dating him.”

“What?”

Sejin cut him off before he could finish his excuse. His voice was sharp.

Cheon Sejoo was speechless and closed his mouth under Sejin’s gaze that looked at him as if he were pathetic. Of course, they weren’t dating, but…. Thinking about it, he asked Sejin,

“Who told you that? That we’re not dating.”

“I can tell just by looking. You’re not seeing anyone.”

“You seemed really interested in me.”

“It’s natural to know this much when we live together!”

Sejin, who was pre-rinsing the stacked dishes, turned to Cheon Sejoo and shouted. Unfazed, Cheon Sejoo rested his chin on the table and watched Sejin tidy up the kitchen, thinking to himself.

Kwon Sejin had a surprisingly conservative side. Whether it was insisting on wearing clothes at home, not exposing his stomach carelessly, or putting on clothes immediately after drying off from a shower while wearing a robe, Sejin’s nagging towards Cheon Sejoo usually revolved around such things. But now, on top of all that, he was nagging him about having sex with someone he wasn’t even dating.

“You’re not even a Confucian scholar or anything….”

At Cheon Sejoo’s muttering, Sejin raised his eyes as if asking, “What did you just say?” His long eyelashes fluttered softly. Cheon Sejoo shrugged, looking at the cat-like eyes staring at him.

“What’s the big deal if we’re both adults? I think it’s fine even if we’re not in a relationship as long as we’re both on the same page.”

He wanted to ask what great qualifications were needed just to have sex, but he thought it wasn’t really a topic to discuss in depth with a minor like Sejin, so he just made that excuse.

Sejin, who had finished cleaning the kitchen and was making misutgaru¹ for a snack, puffed out his cheeks with a sullen face at Cheon Sejoo’s words. Then, looking at Cheon Sejoo as if he were the most promiscuous person in the world, he said,

“Cheon Sejoo.”

At the sound of his name, Cheon Sejoo’s eyes widened. 

“What?” 

At the silent response, Sejin spoke in a quiet, admonishing voice.

“Men should be modest.”

“…….”

Cheon Sejoo’s eyes narrowed at the archaic, Joseon-era-like² statement. As he stared back dumbfounded, Sejin closed the lid on his 1L reusable cup filled with misutgaru and added,

“If you go around acting like that, what am I supposed to learn from you?”

His tone suggested that Cheon Sejoo was behaving inappropriately in a household with a minor. Cheon Sejoo was speechless. It wasn’t just the sudden lecture about modesty that was the problem; it was the absurdity of Sejin saying such a thing. If Kwon Sejin was actually the type of person to learn anything from him, he should have already mastered things like how to memorize ten English words in ten minutes.

“Learn from me? You barely learn one thing out of ten I teach you. You pretend as if you absorb it all like a sponge.”

“…….”

Sejin clenched his fist at the sudden rebuke. He glared at Cheon Sejoo with a frustrated expression and, taking away the empty shake glass in front of him, said,

“People always learn the bad things quickly. See? I’m talking back to you now because I learned it from you.”

“How is that my fault? You’ve always been like that.

“I wasn’t.”

Sejin flatly denied it, but Cheon Sejoo had a lot to say. He remembered every single instance from when they first started living together of how Sejin had gotten under his skin with his words. He couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud, as it seemed petty, but Kwon Sejin had never spoken a single kind word to him.

“Hey, don’t act like you weren’t. There have been countless times I wanted to smack your lips since the day I brought you home.” 

“As if you haven’t felt the same.”

“…….”

He never backs down. Cheon Sejoo frowned at Sejin’s defiant “Hmph.” This kid keeps getting bolder…

As time passed and Sejin grew taller, Cheon Sejoo’s patience towards him wore away day by day. He’d held back, thinking Sejin was still a hild, but now he felt he didn’t need to restrain himself anymore. This was because Kwon Sejin was no longer someone he could call a child, based on his physical appearance.

“Go wash up. You smell like sweat.”

Sejin, holding his cup and about to head to his room, nagged at Cheon Sejoo.

With a displeased expression, Cheon Sejoo stood up and met the eyes of the boy standing next to him. It was truly astonishing. Sejin, who used to be atleast a head shorter than him, was now looking at the world from the same height. He had grown over 10cm in less than a year.

“Are you actually a… bean sprout or something?”

Cheon Sejoo asked, staring at Sejin as if genuinely curious. Sejin looked back at him as if he were talking nonsense. Seeing the pretty face right in front of him made it even more surreal. He couldn’t believe that Sejin, who hadn’t even been 170cm tall, was now the same height as him. And strangely, a part of him felt a sense of loss.

“You were cute….”

“Cute? Who’s cute? Stop talking weird things and go wash up.”

If the 168cm Kwon Sejin had said that to him, he would have obediently gone to wash up, thinking Sejin, who didn’t consider himself cute, even cuter. But now, things were different. These days, Cheon Sejoo’s response to the 180cm Sejin’s retort wasn’t to think he was cute, but to think about how he needed to fix this kid’s attitude.

Is this how parents feel watching their grown-up children? 

He scanned Sejin with a disgruntled expression. Sejin’s broad shoulders, which perfectly filled out Cheon Sejoo’s borrowed t-shirt, his larger hands, and his deeper voice all made it clear that he had become a young man.

Although he’d lost a lot of weight during his growth spurt and was practically skin and bones, at the rate he ate—ten bowls of rice a day—he would definitely gain weight soon, and then he might even become bigger than Cheon Sejoo. The small, pretty, and cute Kwon Sejin had somehow become a lanky young man….

“Cheon Sejoo.”

But… some things hadn’t changed despite his growth spurt. Although his bones had grown, Sejin’s jawline was still slender and soft. His delicate, sharp eyes and his stubborn lips were exactly the same as he remembered. Moreover…

Despite his larger frame, his features were still beautiful in many ways. For example, his smooth, curved lips, his straight, eye-catching collarbones, his distinctly protruding kneecaps that made him want to touch them, his slender waist….

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“What?”

Snapping back to reality by the sudden words, Cheon Sejoo lifted his head. Sejin was standing there, his ears flushed red. Even his normally defiant eyes were tinged with red. 

Why is he making that face? 

Not having properly heard what Sejin said, Cheon Sejoo tilted his head and asked again,

“What did you say?”

“…….”

No answer came. Sejin bit his lip, glared at him, and turned away without a word, disappearing into his room. 

Watching his retreating figure, Cheon Sejoo sighed. It seemed like puberty was starting all over again.