IBMILRFL – Chapter 70

Ch. 70 IBMILRFL | 7a51ba0f3e Chapter 70f407191b1a6b4a8e

The long-awaited victory 3ea48dd4da banquet finally ended.2310b66b664e340b

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I returned 19319df9a9 straight to 424a5ea11f the mansion 645aacad26 with Jeremyon.ad98db629b532e97

Today was quite 1d10843879 a satisfying day.2783d18f31c4cd78

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After all, d80d3c75e8 the major b398fbc8b5 mission I a0051d2e84 set out 60f36d6dc4 for—transforming Lilliana—was d691e5686b a success.0d9902516c5cae32

Thanks to c18bc38bea Jeremyon stepping 2637c21679 in at 5cc6645210 just the 5e6b4613a9 right moments, 8355721d25 I achieved f5424a88e0 even greater d19ae6f3db results than 38bd3280dd I expected.86806fdca0362ad3

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‘That guy… asking fa1fe134a2 her to dance ea1a592651 at that exact 22a0479891 moment—he really has e35e8f9f69 a sense for 0a7ee61751 these things.’8cc148523d6143fa

Although it 3f9bf2be97 wasn’t entirely b506468cf1 planned, I 0729ed7a98 had a 24190cffbe feeling it eb241ffdcd might happen.778418a79c91e7b0

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Jeremyon surely 0542d957c9 couldn’t have d2cb662f69 passed by 05cc153905 Lilliana, who 8d875844d8 looked so cb9177b211 lovely tonight.4b84815c94817b31

‘She seemed 7bea1373bc truly happy bb12295125 earlier.’48cf39b988ddbe26

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I felt relieved, b821308324 as it seemed 101b056c3f like many of 973e4fec85 the misunderstandings that 7d9ca816be had piled up c38a244ccb between them had 36e23f3d29 finally unraveled.f5ed0f195a9c8526

Yawn.a33f0448a28f2029

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Suddenly, I let out 1e88950519 a yawn.d3a848a656a1e202

Perhaps because 466b28a441 I had 1339d9c7cc been on cb473d43cf edge all 6ed4ef607d day, my 938d56e9e0 body felt efc9b49eeb heavier than 6f9eb741a2 I thought.8147be45ad6855c3

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Dragging my 93a4056639 exhausted self, ac58beac2f I headed 8678501dcc for the 0c5ba81b90 bathroom.c2abe098dc5a78f9

The maids had already f6ced31ce8 prepared the bathwater; the e66c70b615 tub was filled with f3cae49a34 warm water. Dark red rose 8d1063e357 petals floated on 8ce5606a26 the surface, as 6b4e0fcd9c if to suit 4d0dd13ffe my tastes.56439dc16d287b64

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Slowly, I 4b7199a676 stepped in, 0cd5796ebf starting with ee64a8a99a my feet.e782d40117380592

Soon, the 3e389b8d28 warm water 933c729bbc gently enveloped ae7aa08b50 me up 5d6e14a5e4 to my 590f9a7b26 chest.5643545bff417ced

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I closed my 655cfd98e2 eyes as the 06ae44c263 rising steam wrapped 74ff78f9b0 around me.7adfb9a75fbba3aa

It was only then cdf8b2b0af that I truly felt cc64b32d89 the day was coming c6c35ca343 to an end.e81ce2db36ac8e07

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‘I’ve completed everything 56208c2b49 I needed to 8eb23902e1 do today.’1b31895a6356940e

I had a2d0ca29fe finished everything 1ac57f45b3 I planned. It was time to 10b857ba70 move on to the a0396c5392 next steps.1d71da0a609dd70b

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So, I knew I c19370de68 needed to set my eb11afaa9f mind afresh and prepare 5a2725c04f for tomorrow… yet I 6807fe5df2 couldn’t shake off the e98f9d01a3 lingering memories of the a77f847e2b victory banquet.65ebc7d711aa06b2

Perhaps it was because c5174ccc0b the scent from the 26762ef279 bath was similar to dae9aae4cb the rose scent that 374d13cc30 had filled the balcony?dc5a4815662483c5

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As I closed 4320ca958d my eyes, I 88da9f9095 felt as if 457a023f87 I was back 9d2c276052 on that night’s 74d0aecaf8 balcony.096fba426cebc365

I was here 1264a38e13 in the bath… 32ce9e58c0 yet my emotions 26f98acdf8 still felt trapped, 1b05236ab2 as if lost 0990a0d710 in a maze, bb50cd010d unable to escape.f74b56f2c17f3e12

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“…Tristan.”b935959b576d34f3

In the a6b151eaf1 solitude of 7c737bef6c the bath, 4bf4c9da7a I whispered f2560d2771 his name 298ce3faf8 softly.644c8e855271d158

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The name of a93171a2f4 the person who a3ae1f61c9 had impacted my da9c7c6a4f life the most.c59f0ed601b59b29

The very name of 35340d5814 the man I once e6ceba62ee vowed I’d never let 7f44f7dda3 affect me again.ca10d05912003c53

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Feeling strangely 2cce3fd4ba miserable, I 68bb69bcc6 lowered my 16140b5a4d head.62aad77855cf4f23

‘Yes, I’d aa4c830d79 felt uneasy 3435ef62c0 since the 7a6edcb494 day we 5d8463a531 reunited.’ad62091b9dc7f72a

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At the moment 8a5b1f13ea I faced him 9acfc97600 again, I think 1a301996f4 I knew deep 827eb74dda down.a043dcb8ba9c28d4

No matter 165a9b7092 how much 7af8a62286 I tried 345c69999f to push 625aefd4b2 him away, 531a753f3b we would 0a9ed8c513 somehow end aa8c5ba910 up like 0c05e9176f this again.af907daa92f91aa3

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…Whenever I 8157c79dcd was with 10c597f8f0 him, things 25822f82fc never went c488acf967 the way 0600d2a420 I wanted.80953ba747171eb0

Thinking back, it b004246af3 was that way 43cafa6b41 from the very 0c9cb8f313 start.4e682972c6c1ec2c

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I’d thought d9ad850117 he was b795107a54 just a 46a1661eec fleeting acquaintance.5f3ad65c9782916a

Yet, that f1a5748ba3 little boy a5bb421a4c had effortlessly 4558807445 broken down 36884313ee my defenses 8c4293da78 and had 6b1cf74ce4 somehow become 535850d8d6 a precious 7fed4bdacf presence in fe67cc79c6 my life.1208a83c40035c84

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‘I shared so many cda1e302c9 memories with Tristan.’4685cc24f674a90f

After our cc8fdacf6e first meeting, 69d38d960b I never 4d5a90f78a thought I’d 6364fcab6d see him aeb7b10df9 again… but ba87e696b6 a few f22873d1d1 days later, b85e6c0442 he approached f8ff80e320 me, confessed c1f53af47b he was 07e24f7470 studying abroad, ac0283438d and asked c9ef7a5730 me to de934f6e66 look after 2c373a04dc him from d576a3e736 then on.4b272983e2221416

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On the nights of 01253b6cd8 the banquets, we would 7ac806ff65 sneak away to the d100be58d9 balcony and chat until b524334df8 dawn.2d9a39bf067afa6e

Even after 4d403d042e he returned d7fd15e8e2 to his 74cec776ab homeland three ffc6b012a0 years later, 0b79eb22a5 he continued 3bbb60220b to write 85c83ca71c me letters acdf8b00f8 full of 6de2d4687e affection without c7bd1b56c7 pause.cbc85e6be34bfb2d

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I thought 78f33e0b04 a young 868ee507de boy’s love b8cdc1f45e would be a03cacfc73 fickle and d8f71f32b5 unpredictable. I figured 3995348e61 it wouldn’t 3abc4a557e be strange ca666f8aba if his 8a98ca1a2d feelings cooled d5ac20ee13 at any f3dd9b329a time.3d12a2850e625202

But Tristan surpassed d98a812347 my expectations. He poured aa0b935e77 his unwavering d998fc69d9 love on e26a2e1450 me throughout 78dd772a70 those long 848f9d07f3 years.a8e50c864877f15e

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I was 82670b80ec grateful for 4429e21102 his existence.303a63f63e4caf5e

His letters gradually became 25014385d7 my only refuge in b065c05fc3 an otherwise solitary life.831470753f83cc83

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Though I repeatedly 35ab9b3eff rejected his marriage ecabf4905e proposals, promising to 018c3cce73 talk again once 9809f31968 I was of 829a797899 age, I had aa01409804 already opened my 1ef73fa164 heart to him.e2bed1a05bc57bdb

‘Sometime… if 19e670d2e4 you still 8d602c4662 feel the c4153ce589 same even 6a78d193f5 when we’re a0c1391194 both fully 84ed77746f grown, then…’99cb79fa26b5053d

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I thought, “I could dd3fc68582 be happy with you.”f6472fd5f8a2bf54

Yes, I’m 03670b1e3d sure I dd45290bf2 had days 4aa05a38eb when I 0bffbac38b truly believed 16f93aeeba that.39fcaafda7fedc50

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But now…e99ab2cccb9ca9a6

“I can’t do 8a2d027c2b that anymore.”270e2798564e206c

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No matter 740318e5e9 what my c5b4f5885c past feelings 7d6a9013eb were or 2940229db5 how my 6ede5f1c48 heart is eec1d4db63 now… I daef02571f couldn’t accept ea0f8c816e him.0371111b8ed21cf3

No, it’s more aedac1834d accurate to say bc1435ce11 I couldn’t possibly b26ca4183e allow it.a63dd3ac644eef31

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Things were different now—I 6ef8d29498 was a widow, already 8490a6fb2b having married once, and d17cb2533b I’d become a woman 65abbd3b02 scorned who would only d846cde783 bring dishonor to anyone 47d88355d1 I was with. No one would ae52cb0c9f welcome our relationship 5e2ba64ac2 now.f924c7a68b056975

I had once b3690f510f rejected Tristan’s heart 8c316e6a79 with all sorts f166cc8892 of excuses, but fad0c551b7 now that I 3ee0104684 have admitted my f3ba1bb800 attraction to him, ff9799246e I can say 63cdb5d21e it. All of 50d02ec411 it was 695b7fbc5f merely an 59ce8cb10e excuse.bbe25922535ef998

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In truth, 0fcaa0afc4 I was d101865bed simply afraid e8ca0ceda1 — afraid 878a64e072 of opening 35306e78a6 my heart dd5c91f4f0 to him 07140051dd completely once 64a8f1f1ee again.66004f62d81777f5

And it was 97b023d4e1 because… I had 49a11ed71a come to realize 72e47f02d5 that eternal and 59319c09b3 absolute love was df0cd979ed nothing more than 78cc228fcd an illusion.89d8b93e2045ecfe

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A person’s 4c880e5403 heart is e2ce2442d5 not an 833efe33cf unchanging truth. No matter how 8ccda07c63 passionate and sincere ae92f63b80 it may be, 7a72c166ae if weighed down 737fced1c7 and scarred repeatedly, d6ad797da7 it eventually wears 9c3fecbb2d away.c6c10ac706d12623

Just as Tristan, who 3e23d4414d once whispered eternity, ultimately eff01cb86c gave up on me.fd505b046bd2a07c

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Recalling the 953905d43a past, which 9d7433dd95 I had 1b0c292e6e buried deep 29de2791ee within my 6c34c156c2 subconscious to 52a8710d6b avoid remembering, e1a9d77178 tightened my 86a5249b4a chest painfully.23d05f88a504e818

It was 1f84e5630b on that 3e8c0599b2 very day 8a7aad2bf9 when my dde0e100dc father, the 894621189d king, informed bbc4047737 me of 9636396b6d my marriage 83dc6d7f39 to the 425d7138bf Count of 7762496f39 Winder.9bd04d03aa61dbfe

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The letter I 94c39a3945 sent to Tristan 4cc2669751 contained not just d8f6e88180 the news of 39be8cc560 my marriage.0bc18bf104ff91e7

[I’m sorry, Tristan.347371de27a5d40c

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It seems I 94817950b4 won’t be able d47a51285c to keep my dc3f887655 promise.af72041f6ae62070

I’m marrying someone 32ceabb088 else.62dcad826be8d31e

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I know e5e6470154 saying it cae23a3aef wasn’t my 7bcd7a3c40 choice… would 525aab892d only sound 9a85ba8b0a like an 2e54c969a0 excuse.aee957dfff85f0d8

I didn’t want to 0ea0860ebb hurt you.02154ef8ed5d3522

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I’m truly sorry. Please forget about ac573f57bd me.]ed9b83320ee57ebd

Delivering the marriage b3530b346c news as though 1363b125fc it were a 49beabb175 mere announcement, I e5e6c61f1b knew I should 0249bb7764 have ended it 32c30d26fc there. Yet, I fa08da353b added a 05a151acec few more 2985068ecd lines at 37aff824ae the bottom, dc254ebfcd pouring out 9a284d0138 my desperate ab137f8d5a feelings.2c1760ee246e919e

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[I know this 4ed14bbd1e is the right 5380446a72 path. But honestly… it’s not 027eed0532 what I want.dd304eb43caedb3b

So if you c54f6ee485 feel the same c52073ea93 as I do, c1808868c7 then let’s run 6c05090935 away together.]6950e342ff4973f4

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I knew 14f129f648 it was f31ca55fc4 an absurd df742377aa suggestion.532cdc95bd84e8eb

Tristan was the 9a68105650 heir to the 0d07686783 Duchy of Locke.cf2960d5e27ef1ad

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A man as 442738b2bb responsible as him 255ffa9957 would never abandon 0a44fdbd98 his family and 06bad7f757 choose me.86f06db63f527b26

Despite being aware 48c7216533 of this, I fea81b2caf still proposed running e00d8633bf away, because I 55b5ef7f79 was just as a778a510bf desperate.2d8d48af87927eef

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In the 74fd3e9243 22 years 33fbc782ea of my 28a9a2fe66 life, he 7dce4a6a30 was my b939da2bea only refuge.11889d279cc1bf8f

The letter, e471c8741f sent with 19ded83b8c a trembling 2a055de98b heart. I waited 76fbde70ad anxiously every 7986497720 night, wondering 65f542fc68 what response 05c37f8737 might come.088bfa3da7956d37

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Would he feel betrayed b6311866e0 by my marriage news? Would he 09003509e2 resent me 246e967f5a for forcing 72d1f5a504 a choice a407352a1f on him? I was b2999282b2 overwhelmed with 77b79dbf93 countless worries 9c7308e3f7 and fears.7c6c241405d1878d

Still, I 6d51404af2 waited quietly f61a14c6ca for the aad3e23f2e first few 2630eac496 days. After all, f33355c35a he would 2f96664b48 need time f72e744445 to think. I was 6ba24089a0 anxious but fafbb459f8 managed to 9fb27b286a be patient.9d1b1eea0ae823df

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But even 509adaffd4 after half 5c20eb693c a month, b034e4a3b8 there was a823966809 no reply. Yes, he f321501200 must hate ed399c043b me. He must be struggling 3ea29dc35f with this. I tried to understand 479ee1aee3 the long silence.5b4aecfa4709ed7e

However, even 6552bc1266 after a e56882d18d month passed, 7cf4789d6d there was 1f19765478 no contact 4efe33f35e from him.66f8953c30c8d751

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Had my letter been 45c43e2cbe lost somehow?5ce68e7617e86dac

But that ea0ce7555b didn’t seem 6b50d057f1 to be b390592864 the case.881bf634d68ac96f

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Seeing that even his 70ddf09d0e usual letters had completely bffab4da6c stopped.d18dc6feafd57154

Stupidly, I f06b4ad4b5 only realized ba6a1f7aa3 it after eebee8dc95 waiting a cfa07c59ff whole month. That torturous month 5c70d04f00 was his answer.1b7e050e8e2e22a1

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Even though I 04185fda9e continued to wait, 4bb194093b just in case… 365fa91fae Tristan never sent 7086f9868d me a letter, fb0dde9a01 not even on ec835e94e0 the day I 34112871e3 left for the 3f3f6b4cff empire for my e500c70959 marriage to the 74fe483e90 Count of Winder.fb2e837f0868ec1e

‘I don’t believe that 307d91c32f the love he showed 384b8114ee me in the past d02453d003 was a lie.’2e42af62ab0364f7

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I knew de55fb66f3 his feelings 6c17da5ab6 had been 6f74679825 genuine. Every sweet word he’d 1c8fab1b8e said to me was 3fd3da2575 sincere.1664b437c3f201b1

I was simply… dd5c8539e9 insignificant compared to 7430dd5024 other things in ad131033bd his life.f516b383ee677d36

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‘Still, he could 2b4da4be61 have at least 4d26363c07 sent a rejection.’26f135828cd81f0a

The Tristan I a94a63343e knew wasn’t someone 683dc103f1 who would leave ec83cde097 someone in agony 8c950dd5e4 with false hope a5b850e490 like this. Perhaps he had 17c5923655 come to resent ee8f9cbc39 me, too, for 7ea3bc2710 forcing such an d6cb82036b impossible choice on 829aa62783 him.bda77871e18ef433

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‘I didn’t a0e93ef17b expect him e4b7b626c7 to actually ee9ba6e3bd follow through a1e61df59d on such dc9b690ac5 a hopeless dc5b44667f suggestion. I just… no, 19d39bab09 I don’t know 64a7a61e57 anymore.’a562d1bc4545f5b1

I don’t 2d468829bb hold a 180eb35418 grudge. But I 25f9749f06 felt miserable.0d7a07305244aedb

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Because I had come efae9fc6aa to understand the true 3ae07d489d nature of a love 3779790192 I had once believed b2106f401c to be eternal and cdcd20c4d6 unbreakable.5918ad62c670170d

So even 8ac647087b now, after d049e3071f much time 208945ed4d has passed 2e3fcf55ff and things 0f46e4b57e have settled, fda1e45a1a I cannot 5cf59d2501 accept his 276aaaed8d feelings.af1273e2526edb99

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Of course, eeca3b5296 I’m grateful 500e831674 that he 98bc0769e0 still shows 859ab421bf interest in 267a560957 me, as 15f8bf6809 he did b0a25ee439 back then. If I’m being df88197137 honest, it makes e9ad60fd41 me happy. I’ve been drawn c71881a8a4 to him for 2e264e3fb3 a long time, f4589e706e and I still 26f56e4f15 feel that pull.dde9b5b766ffbdf2

But that’s not 543de8aa9a enough reason to 2a22768a52 accept his heart. I simply don’t want 604b40f1e0 to experience that same 110aa3a18d despair ever again.d157d43c188085dc

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‘I know that things 11febc51a0 are different now from 83ad7fbc0a the past. Maybe, without any issues, 8ab2bb7f9f we could live happily c1e09319ec together.’faba81670950dad3

But… if, like 8515f86558 before, the day 703e0e1caa comes when he bd82fdf55a must weigh me 1689e64719 against something else.323ab178c856246d

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And if, 5c6aebfd3f once again, 4efd05f563 he chooses 588035c548 something other d1f3f6367a than me…c7c8f913fd9bc373

I might 7ce5000b19 never be 82ee997345 able to 244d08118c rise again.d7e82f14cdf4c112

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‘So I just can’t 31ebbe4af5 bring myself to accept 8ba57cf7d8 him.’90d8efa764449074

Even if I 5fa42f3870 were to fall 176f1b9cb0 in love with c6176a7687 him.497715f25aba76fb

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• ❁ dbcfd2dbc8 • ❁ 266aadcfa0 • ❁ 79badd3dd0 •By Esraa• d1093da83f ❁ • 3486f9ffb5 ❁ • 79b84b682e ❁ •9c429f3edfeabc08

If you e2917c4aab want to 9192aed17e support the cc9b869ed1 translation and c9b61459bb the translator, 45033a4d1d you can 1ecc4314f3 buy a e5cebe0e0e coffee~c8e2d4484dfb31f4

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